Feeling pretty bleak today honestly. I want to believe this whole sobriety journey will get better. And, as a result, so will my quality of life. However, my life has been so empty, uneventful, and miserable for so long now, literally the only that I can look back on that has provided me any relief is sadly is drugs and alcohol. While I completely understand the relief offered from drugs and alcohol is temporary and ultimately self-destructive, I reluctantly admit it is still better than the pain or shame I felt before that first drink, hit, or line.
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I’m sorry you are having a rough day. You need to try the best that you can to put that pain and shame aside. If AA is your thing then go to meetings in person and meet other sober people. Also, depending on where you’re located you can look online to see if there are any meet up groups that do activities. Maybe even try to find a new hobby, possibly something you’ve always wanted to do but never have before. It will be rough at first, but the longer you stay sober the better you will feel and it’s so worth it. Stay strong, you got this! 
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It will get better. I basically stayed to myself for a year. Just recently caught myself laughing. 18 months before I started feeling some happiness. Before that it was kind of one foot in front if the other sobriety. Listen, we’ve used alcohol and substances to cover up a lot of feelings and it’s hard to sit with all that without using. But once u begin to process your happiness will come back. It’s a bit different but once u trust yourself enough to feel proud- and then u get through rough times sober it’ll really sink in. One day at a time. You’ll get there xoxo
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Alex, you’re so not alone! I felt that way as I’m sure lots of us do or have. I can tell you from experience that everything will get better if you actually to the 12 step program 100%.
I was effffing miserable until I went all in. So glad I finally did.
Do you have a sponsor?
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Amen...all things pass...the only constant in life is change
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Yes, I do. And I appreciate the support.
Sounds like you have quite the storyteller in your head there. That’s not unusual amongst us alcoholics and addicts.
What I have seen/experienced is that we/I take information from the past and apply it to our present situation or our future. Which seems logical apart from the fact that yesterday is gone and the future doesn’t exist yet.
Part of the journey for me so far has been really drilling into my thick skull the importance of being present.
A “fun” way to remember this is that if you have one foot in the past and one in the future you’re taking a s**t on today.
Best of luck to you on your journey and I hope this is helpful.
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