Just got out of rehab yesterday. Struggling to cope with accepting that my fiancé left me because of my drinking. Christmas is going to be hard.
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Always hard to deal with loss. Don't throw away all that time and effort you spent in treatment. Unfortunately we can't undo our past mistakes, but we can start today by not making the same ones anymore. Find a marathon meeting.
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I got out of rehab December 10 of 2019. I did not celebrate the holidays at all that year. I felt like an indoor cat thrown outdoors. I just went to $hit tons of meetings (like 2-3 a day). It helped a lot and next thing I knew it was spring.
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Well, don’t know your area yet most have meeting marathons running this weekend. Get to one or find meetings. Get plugged in. It’s vital you move on with the tools you learned. Stay safe and keep that sobriety front a center.
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Thank you. I’m so wrapped up in the guilt and shame cycle - like if I just didn’t relapse, I’d still have everything. I was sober for 2 years and then the last 6 months have been on and off relapsing… but I have all the tools from those 2 years but didn’t use them. It’s frustrating.
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Thanks. I’m going to my dads for dinner tonight and then my home group meeting after.
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What do we do with that frustration? We see what we found so unacceptable that it caused us to pick up again? Then we get going on practical application of what you already know. You don't lose the experience you got in those two years, you only changed your clean date.
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My therapist thinks I was subconsciously unhappy in the relationship so I sabotaged it with my drinking. Maybe she’s right. Time will tell.
Hey Angela! Welcome! The beginning of sobriety is quite a challenge. The very nature of this illness and recovery is that we come in broken and at a bottom. We wouldn’t be here looking for help if we weren’t desperate. This struggle you are going thru is very crucial to your recovery journey as you move forward. I celebrated 5 months ago yesterday. My life was completely destroyed. Last night my wife and oldest child came to my meeting to watch me pick up my 5 month medallion. Thru working a daily program in AA with a sponsor, I’m learning to make peace with my past, as I live a good and proper life today. I like Shawn’s suggestion of going to lots of meetings. My brothers and sisters in AA gave me the love I needed at a time when everyone was furious with me. You can do this! If you do the work, you will be amazed at how your outlook on life can change.
Look at the past, we're often as addicted to the self sabotaging behavior as we were to the substance. And what had you unhappy? Was the drinking a way to express your feelings about something? Often times we drink to show emotions we can't express with words. I had an ex who would accuse me of drinking at her lol
I did it before so I know I can do it again. This is just the first time I’ve had real consequences for my drinking. I’m doing 90 and 90, already have an amazing sponsor from before my relapse, and I start IOP on the 28th. I know I can do this. My heart is broken that he wouldn’t stand behind me when I needed help. I was sober for the first 2 years of our 3 year relationship so he knows what sober Angela is like. she’s amazing.
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Lol yes I definitely drink “at people” for sure. Apparently when I was blacked out, I was crying and yelling at him to leave me because I’m broken and terrible. I’m good at pushing people away before they can leave me. 
That sounds like a great way to spend the day! Merry Christmas!
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Angela, there will be more Christmas’ to celebrate in the future provided you maintain your recovery. Have faith in that and good things will surely come. God bless.
If we do what did yesterday we will have another day clean and sober
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More holidays are coming and much more fun as long as we follow that way
Thank you so much. That’s very kind.
Hit aa meetings hard meetings every day for a year.aa 
If you feel like you can't talk about the issues that you are facing, then write it all down. Good and bad thoughts, feelings, goals, etc. It's just you with nothing to lose. It worked for me, making goals, letting out the anger and the resentment, everything I feel about my father is the worst. I haven't seen him for more than half my life and he is in prison usually.
Remember to think thru the first drink. What happens next? What do you lose. Do you drink and drive? Who might you kill with your car?
If you haven’t suffered major losses, YET, you very well shall. That first drink is not worth the loss!