I don’t usually post much about myself here, but I’m really struggling today and needed to get this out.
This past year has been heavy. I lost two sisters, my very first granddaughter at just three weeks old, and then my dad three weeks later. All of it happened right before Christmas last year. I honestly don’t know how I survived that season, but I did because of the people who surrounded me with unconditional love. My partner, my daughter, our little chosen family, and my four bonus grandbabies carried me through when I couldn’t carry myself.
Because of that, we spent all year planning another big family Christmas. Something meaningful. Something healing. Especially since I’ll be moving out of state after my daughter has her second baby in March. This is the first Christmas I’ve truly been excited about in a very long time.
Unfortunately, due to conflict between adults in our friend group, I was put in a position where I was asked to choose between families. That felt impossible and unfair, especially when there are kids involved that I care deeply about. I believe grown adults can exist in the same space without causing harm, even if they don’t get along.
Instead of choosing sides, I made the difficult decision to cancel the big gathering altogether. It broke my heart. I’m not angry, just deeply sad. I was hoping for one more moment of togetherness before a big life change, and letting go of that has been harder than I expected.
I’m sharing this here because staying sober means sitting with feelings instead of running from them, and today those feelings are heavy. Thanks for listening and for being a safe place to land.
