Still getting caught up in my feelings a little bit and you work in any type of program you know that that is not a good place to be so I got to talk about this s*** so step one of the na program starts teaching you a little bit about what this disease is and I was in denial my whole life that this is a disease I thought it was just bad choices I was making so now that I realize that it is a disease taking a little heat off me I realize I'm a sick individual and I'm an addict in every way shape or form take the drugs out of the equation and I'm still a complete f****** mess but I'm getting better I can feel myself getting better but here's what I'm struggling with so the program tells me it's a disease so when I think of a disease I think of a disease as being cancer AIDS whatever you want tons of diseases out there but when you're laid up in the hospital recovering from whatever your ailment is you get flowers you got to get get well cards you have friends and family showing you love but when you got this disease of addiction you don't get none of that if you're lucky you get an extended stay out of Resort we like to call Rehab if you're lucky you get some shiny new bracelets the police gave you so I guess what's bringing all these thoughts to mind cuz I'm at a point in recovery where I can't keep feeling sorry for myself right I'm not responsible for what happened in addiction but I'm definitely responsible for what happens in recovery so not getting pictures yesterday and my kids in their Halloween costumes that cut me pretty deep but I think God because for even the family that I've lost the ones that I have gained now in recovery like-minded addicts trying to get better is indescribable what happened to deal with these emotions and not pick up it's hard some days is harder than others but I remember I'm not doing this for my kids I'm doing this so I don't have to sleep on another park bench so I don't have to have another broken romantic relationship so I don't have to carry a gun or sell drugs anymore I don't have to worry about my homies getting shot and if they're coming for me next I don't have to wake up wondering who's this stranger in my bed life's got simple I'm comfortably simple and I'm just trying to get comfortable with it so everybody out there struggling I'm with you I'm struggling too I'm not struggling with wanting to get high anymore I'm struggling with trying to figure out self it's not take other people's inventory trying to learn forgiveness to self first and then others because I'm an addict of selfish by Nature so I'mma just keep it going and no one told you today I'm proud of you all but I love you we made it out and it's what we do next that counts thanks for letting me share
