It's like night and day. One day things look good and normal, and the next... a warzone. I just don't even know what to think. Ik trying to make sense of everything that keeps happening around me, and yet... the words and pages don't match up in the book. I'm so lost. I'm so sad. I don't know what I've done to deserve such... chaos or uncertainty. I try to be a good person, friend, mother, and partner. But I'm left feeling shattered. Broken. Alone. Like nothing I do is even good enough, which leaves me wondering what tf is even the point. I fear, that once my "nest" is empty.. there will be nothing left holding me in sobriety. I'm barely holding on as is. And everything is just escalating and testing me. But I'm strong. I've beaten this demon already but it's a forever battle. And I am growing weaker constantly fighting it. Alone. And I know it's my battle, I have to do it alone. I'm just so tired.
Hopefully you can get to a meeting and share just a little is better the the battle going on in your mind. Hopeful you will find some peace in talking to someone who has been there and relate to where you’re at
Sponsor? AA family
Surrender to the battle and good things will happen. It will happen maybe not like you expected but maybe with a little Time the way it will be
And maybe better than you expected !
Hang in there. You are worth it and you deserve it
Wow does thing sound familiar. I went through the same struggle. I really still am, but I have better tools.
Your last line about being alone and having to do it all yourself.... that was my epiphony!
Nobody was ever going to come to my rescue, and I realized I had to dobit all by myself.
I think the booze kept me from developing skills. 900 days later, I am improving on those skills.
You can be your higher power!!
Hey, you don’t have to do it alone. We all need support sometimes. I know the unworthy feelings all too well, but you ARE good enough and you are growing stronger, not weaker, fighting and triumphing over each test. There’s just always some pain before growth. You’re doing great 🫶