Just wishing I could be a better sober person… feeling really down.
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A better sober person? Explain, what's going on?
I think we all want that for ourselves, no?
I still smoke weed and drink occasionally, and my cravings have been super strong since I saw an old high school friend smoke crack infront of me… I’m just struggling with my half-sobriety and I wish I could be better and more clean… idk
Well, look... You're not sober. There is no such thing as "half sobriety". I'm not meaning to sound dickish. I had to tell myself the same thing. You're in or you're out. Get clean and sober and the rest will follow. Right now, you're just creating more guilt for yourself. You can't begin to strip away the old paint if you're constantly repainting right? Get to meetings. Start there. Make friends who don't smoke crack or drink. That was a huge and defining step for me.
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Half sobriety??
LOL
I've never heard of that one before.
No disrespect.
Listen, you either want it or you don't.
You say you wish you could be a better person. I think you're feeling a lot of guilt because you fell off the wagon.
If you want to start feeling better you're going to have to make a hard decision to stop playing games with yourself.
Get rid of all the alcohol and smoke and whatever else you have stashed. Then you simply start going to AA meetings, sit down all the way and listen.
All this depression and feeling bad about yourself will go away but it starts by taking the first step. Sobriety is a great way of life but you're never going to understand this unless you are first sober for an indefinite period of time.
Read this:
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving
develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
This psychic change is acquired by going through the 12 steps in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
But like I said before, you have to really want it.
Now go do the right thing.
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