Legitimately, I am living my definition of a nightmare. Not being allowed to see or speak to my kids for 6 months already and still got February 28th to go. It hurts and it hurts so deep that staying sober has become a blatant miracle given my history with numbing my pain to oblivion. Even with the understanding of if I stay the course that it will pay off at the end of this, it does not make it any easier. I cry every night many times at that. I have no real support or anyone to talk to. The morale is that making the choice to not drug seek and get obliterated is a heavy choice and requires a sincere amount of meditating and praying and brute strength
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This is the time to focus on yourself. You need time to heal. Time takes times. February 28th will be here in no time. But the important thing is that those kids will have a better father as long as you focus on yourself. Be grateful for what you have and not what you don't have. I know you're going to be okay. And talk about what you're going through at meetings if you go to meetings. That's what gets me through. My father just died. People in NA carried me through till I could stand on my own two feet. I'm so grateful for that. I found that other people love me too.
That’s really tough, man. When you make it through this day, these days, and make it to Feb 28 and beyond you’ll be able to look back at this time and see how much stronger you’ve gotten if you just stay sober. My mom got sober when I was little and she was my first hero. You can be that for your kids and yourself. I know the desire to use is heavy. I just made it one year and the desire still creeps up on me from time to time but every time I make it through a craving sober, I’m a little bit stronger. Good luck, man. God bless.
Thank you. For the encouragement. I just hung up, or rather taped up photos in my studio room from when I was still with my ex wife and the kids. I know I am stronger today, because at the beginning of this year I avoided I photos of my kids and ex wife so I didn't have to cry. I hung them up with a smile on my face and with joy while listening to uplifting music. I even dedicated a whole wall to the photos of my ex wife and I despite us divorced for over a year. I did not get to process and heal from the separation and divorce considering I was massively numb to existence.
Don’t go crazy. focus on your self. I had an issue like that. when i got really sober and clean the kids ended up with me after we separated without a fight. They now go to mommy’s on saturday for a sleepover and that was not a requirement but by choice of grown kids and without any resistance from me or her. God will do for us wonders that we don’t even know to ask for
Hmu if you ever want to vent. I can't say I know how you feel, but I've been involved in similar heart-break. God bless and be safe.