Back on day 2 of starting over with this everlasting battle. Im trully disappointed in myself to be completely honest. I fell back in the same old cycle, Due to me not allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to accept any help. So much false pride with lack of motivation. I believe it’s because im just not sure where to start anymore/again….
I shall be more involved with this app and utilize the support that is offerd. Great community with beautiful people. Thank you for taking time to read this. 
😮💨
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It took me three tries to stick with AA and truly be ready. I'm almost at 600 days sober now and my life has changed in ways I never thought possible. I'm so glad I don't drink and it feels like a different life I used to have. A sad and desperate life where I was so unhappy and fearful. Be honest with yourself. You have to want it more than anything else in the world. To get through each day you have to want to be sober with every fiber. Because it's really hard and the drink is easy. But day by day you escape the fog of the stupidity of alcohol until one day you wake up so amazed that you are alive and this is your life. Be ready because it's a painful and disappointing death through the bottle.
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The app is good, I want my sobriety to be great. When I reach good I have a habit of settling for it, when there are great things out in the universe for me.
I was so desperate to not pick up a drink anymore that I had to garner the courage to walk into a room where an AA meeting was being held. When I jntroduced myself as NEW I felt a warmth of belonging. In my head I had envisioned an experience full of angst. I built this negative foreshadowing that was the entire opposite of what my first meeting was.
I was a bit confused and unsure, I had to ask for help. I was told, and then read that I needed to work with someone else through the steps outlined in Chapter 4, "How zit Works." I was asked to what length I would go to get and stay sober. I said "any."
With that I dtarted the work. I was asked to do some simple things for a complex person like me. This was one step at a time. I was told not to stress about the future, ot hasn't happened yet. I was told to pray, read, and reach my hand put to someone else.
There were more actions I took, they came when they came, and I had to not be paralyzed by fear. We'll wishes, prayers from others and good thoughts could not get me sober.
I hope you find this gift of desperation and change the way I've is seen and experienced.
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I went to treatment 14 times in over 40 years before I finally broke the cycle. I had to surrender and give my will away for a power greater than myself.After 40 years of doing the same thing over and over I finally realized the pattern would never change if I didn't give in and do things the way I was told 100%. That is when everything started to finally work and I haven't used or drank since. I hope you can find solace in turning your will over before you realize it has been 40 years and nothings changed. Good luck and may God be with you on your journey
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Happy you're back 
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Phillip, you’re not alone. I’ve been where you are too many times! But I got sober and stayed sober by not doing it alone. I went to in person meetings every morning and night, got a sponsor, did the 12 steps and did service. It is the easier & softer way. 16+ years sober.
I’m here if you want to talk
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Never give up. Congrats on day 2! 
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