One of the biggest things I’ve had to learn in early sobriety is giving myself permission to feel “negative” emotions. I was taught from an early age that anger was not an appropriate emotion. I would be punished if I expressed anger. Anger was not acceptable & wrong. Giving myself permission to feel angry has not been an easy road. But I just remind myself that it’s perfectly okay to feel it, & that I just need to not let it consume me. Today, I’m feeling especially angry. Angry for things that have happened to me. Angry that one of my earliest memories is me telling my mom I wish my stomach were smaller, and she told me I’d slim down when I got older. Not that I was enough as I was. Angry that my dad, my mom, & my brother all made plans to go out and see my older sister several states away, and couldn’t make the shorter trip to come see me. Granted, she just had a baby, and she has a big house which accommodates visitors. So I know those are factors at play. But it still hurts. I’m just tired of this f*cking disease. I’m usually pretty good at staying positive & finding the silver lining, but I’m human. And not every day is going to be sunshine & daisies. So I’m just trying to let myself feel these emotions, & giving myself some grace.
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Well said Rachel.
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