I’ve been down this road a couple times dealing with alcohol. It really messes with me. I’ll get my act together, thibgs will be going well, then i’d start drinking again. Most recently, moved back to Brooklyn, where I feel most comfortable. Got a good job, a nice apartment, seeing old friends, and slipping back into old habits. I started missing work, got sad, drank. Ended up in the psyc ward at the worst hospital for “observation”. Missed more work.
Being down this road, and having 6 months sober before the move under my belt, i’m taking it on by myself.
Now, I’ve tried AA. 30 in 30, all that stuff. It’s not for me. So I’m at 4 days today, feeling good all day, productive (still had my job, thankfully). It’s my first day off since I made the decision, so I stayed busy, and did some reflecting and walking, cooking, etc. Only to get an email from our building management that upon our lease being up end of May, I am the only roommate who wants to stay on the lease. I don’t know if that means I’ll be forced out to find something else with all the added expenses of moving or if I’ll have to repopulate the other rooms on my own, or if they’ll find a new group of strangers for me to live with.
Stress! And tonight is the 12 anniversary of the bar around the corner where allll my friends hang out, and it is taking every ounce of my being to not go over there and party to get my mind off of everything. I don’t think I’d be able to go there and not drink alcohol. I’m trying to be tough, but this is really hard.
Not sure if I’m looking for advice because i feel like i’ve heard it all, or if i’m just venting. But that’s my TedTalk.
