It's been awhile since I got clean, but this time I went through rehab and the first 90 in 90 while I'm still taking methadone, and it's got me feeling like I'm trapped out here on the ragged edge, not using, but not entirely abstinent from all drugs. I also stopped all the psych medicine when I quit drinking, and I had to fight for that, it wasn't something that was encouraged. So here I am years later, and I'm just not moving forward the way I know is possible. It's easy to watch the months slip by, taking my daily dose of the liquid handcuffs, but it's not part of the process to get off the program. My probation requires it, and there's not any push to take less, they really just want to keep you in stasis for the duration. I'm not sure how to proceed, but I feel my life slipping away, wasted a day at a time. It's not a terrible life, and I stay grateful for what I have, but I know there's more out there for me beyond these little bottles of societal control. God, Grace, Gratitude, and the 12 Steps... I do it all today.
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So i relate with you quite a bit here, I spent over a decade on methadone most of which I was still using and some I wasn’t. I got involved in the program stepwise but was torn about the methadone. I talked to the doctor and therapist at the clinic and they both told me with my background I would never be able to get off. So I became determined to get off it and did at a rehab in California, that was about 9 years ago. Message me if you ever want to talk
You can put in motion and petition to court to get off that shyt