People who are struggling around me that are pulling me down. I'm on probation for 8.5 years if I don't do what I'm supposed to. But then what about the people who can't get it. I remember living my life over and over. I do know know that I probably can make it through this with out being in this organization. But people that are using around me have put me in a relapse mode. I don't want to snitch but it caused me to pick up twice. Not with that said . With being in a program but people being afilleated every way I go is a battle. I do right my family turns against me. People turn their backs on me. I even pick up smoking again being around it. I put I a passion of being stuck by law and black out in a program. Now I've been doing this a while. I'm just fit up with this process. It been millions of years. I'm tired same people doing the same thing. I truly get pulled in in every life I live. Now if recovery is possible. How do I recover when the world does not charge. We're all seem to me to be stuck in a place where change my be a curing. But I just don't see it. There's so much more to this the we are made to believe. Weather you say this person is crazy or not. But with being accountable and being able to remember somethings but not all . I have a lot of trauma as well. It's taking billions of years. It has gotten a little better than it was. But how come I get dragged into. Life . And then have to be accountable for something out of my control. Truth in God trust in the program. If I could get it the first time it would be great. But like we do recover.If recovery is possible how long should I keep going. I'm tired time is supposed to heal all wounds. Wow this is taking forever.
Sorry you’re struggling Bobby. I appreciate your share, and your desire to get unstuck. It is difficult when everyone around you is pulling you down. We say in recovery that we need a support group or team to help us stay on the straight and narrow from one day to the next. Life doesn’t change just because we stop drinking/drugging. You said it yourself….the world does not change. You are correct. We can’t change anything…except ourselves. You have to be the change Bobby. The world ain’t changing. We need to change if we wish to get and stay sober. You need to find people who are having success at sobriety and hang out with them. I found these people at meetings. Not all are “healthy”, but I found a few good guys. There are sober podcast’s, and online support that can feed some positivity into your brain during the day. There’s a reason most of us say we can’t do this alone. It’s too much to do this alone. To use an AA saying, we don’t have the sufficient “power” to do this on our own. We need to find more power. A group of sober people will add to your power. Listening to some sober podcasts will add to your power. Meditating will add to your power. Prayer can add to your power. Journaling can add to your power. This app can add to your power. Go get as much help as you can get. You deserve it brother
Welp you're on probation so that alone should be a motivating force. Keep praying and sometimes He answers you quick 
it's a journey not a race. Stay focused on you like a tunnel vision. Pay No mind to the people dragging you down with them
Don't be around these people if possible