What do you do to help combat the loneliness of being single and sober? Dealing with the scarlet letter of being sober?
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That's a question we have all had to face. There is no blueprint for combating loneliness that I've found so far.
I've taken up some new hobbies and whatnot...but I'm still alone.
Meetings helped to fill in the time. I also shop at a snails pace to kill time. Hint...lots of ladies in the Home Good section of TJ Maxx!
If I find the actual secret sauce to fixing being alone I will post it.
Until then...one day at a time.
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Yeah I know there isn't a one solution answer. Just interested in what others may do. I've had come across many gals that don't want to go on a date because I don't drink. And friends stay away because they don't want to tempt me. (I get it).
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There are women who are cool with men not drinking.
I just want to have nothing to do with men currently.
A lotta humans can be odd.
No energy to deal with the dating.
My sobriety is the most important thing.
Sorry.
This doesn’t help!
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It all helps in some way or another. Honesty is good. That's your honesty and I respect that. We all deal with different situations differently.
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I found it very helpful to not whine about being sober and lonely.
Scarlet letter of being sober? Really? If anything, being a drunk jäckass who can't pay my bills or do other basic stuff is the scarlet letter. Being sober has also allowed me to see those "red flags" that women (yes ladies, you too have some red flags) that I can avoid immediately. When I'm using/drinking, I ignore my instincts and put myself in terrible postions that just make me even more miserable and volitile.
Don't be an Eeyore. Get yourself out here and show the people around you that you have your shït together. That you're fun and interesting and not a drag to be around. Nobody wants to be with someone that makes them feel that their happiness is dependent on the relationship or rhe other person. Can you imagine the weight of that?
Also, cherish your alone time. Use it to your advantage.
Fonzie be with you.
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I was told, if you’re lonely get to a meeting.
As far as dating, it is not suggested in your first year of sobriety. Focus on the program and sobriety instead.
Finally, gratitude is important also.
I don’t know about you but I recovered from a seemingly hopeless state. I was grateful just to be alive, and still am when I remember to be.
It will all come together for you in time. Don’t be in a hurry.
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Well first. I wasn't whining. Just inquiring. And I still had my S*** together and wasn't a drunk jackass. Sounds like you may be projecting yourself into others.
Second. Many have different situations they've came from. I joined this forum to be social with not much time with work and taking care of my house and kids. Thank you for your input. God's always with you. Trump2024
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I remind myself that it’s ok to be lonely, it’s can be lonely, it’s going to be lonely, I get lonely, I am lonely….. and that’s ok.
I have to tell myself and I wrote it down.
“It maybe lonely but that’s ok.”
When Really I’m never alone I have my hp with me.
It’s ok
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Protecting? No. I was sharing my experience with you. You reached out for help, and now you don't Iike the taste of it. When I throw a dog a bone, I don't wanna know if it tastes good or not.
Not sure what Bozo the Snowflake King has anything to do with you being a whiney bîtch, but whatever.
Tried dating and realized I’m willing to be the loneliest person in the world if it means waiting til I meet someone that’s good for me. As for friends, I will walk up to random folks and strike up a conversation, or crack jokes during appropriate social situations. In the meantime, exercise and fill up your free time with things that are good for you.
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This reminds me of something I learned at a meeting early on.
I was under the impression that if I removed alcohol from my life. That I would instantly turn into a wonderful human being. I waited everyday for my crown and it never came. I was still struggling with the same problems. But I didn't have alcohol to dull my sorrows.
I was at a meeting and not getting very much out of it. When a stranger spoke and told his story.
He wasn't a drunk that was out of control. he wasn't a drunk that couldn't get to work. He stopped drinking because he knew it was the right thing to do. And he always chose the right things. He was confused as to why people didn't suddenly embrace him. Why could they not see how much better he was? Now that he wasn't drinking? How come they weren't completely impressed with him? What else did he need to do to get people to like him?Then then he Said the most amazing thing.
Alcohol isn't the problem I am!
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Hahaha 
this had me dying of laughter!! I’m glad you said something…
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I MAY BE ALONE. BUT I'M NOT LONELY. Being lonely is a choice. Get engaged in doing something to develop your self image. These are areas of our LIFE THAT WE CAN DEVELOP. Remember that DRINKING AND USING ARE JUST A SYMPTOM. now we can start to ADDRESS THE REAL ISSUES AT HAND AND NOT RUN FROM THEM. LIKE IT'S DOOMSDAY BECAUSE WE FEEL A CERTAIN WAY TRUST THE PROCESS AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN YOUR LIFE. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING
Go to the Bookstore and learn what it takes to deal with Lonelyness
Without going through my whole ordeal, not having what I had is part of my trigger to want to drink. Like many that's how I've dealt with pain through out my life. So I am fine alone and I am focusing on myself and my responsibilities. Things are good except for what I had. Over 3 months sober now. Feeling great about that. Three times in rehab. This last time 30 days. I've learned quite a bit. Still learning. Hence the inquiring post of what others may do.
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For me, it comes down to shifting my thinking. Because I can manage to feel alone in a room full of loved ones. Or even when in embrassing/intimate time.
Its my thinking.
It's me looking for validation to fill a HIgher Power sized hole (my wounds).
Author Michael Singer. Untethered Soul describes it well. I will be ok if.....
I will be ok if my partner remembers to call.
I will feel ok if I have someone special to spend the holiday with.
I will be ok if my boss rewards my hard work with praise or a raise.
I will be ok if I fit in that size dress
I will feel loved if mom remembers to make my favorite meal....
When in truth, its MY job to get my needs met, to be a person I am proud of, to act with integrity, give generously, I am enough, I do enough.
And when someone validates or acknowledges me for my effort, its a BIG Bonus.
Congrats on 3 months, and being able to sort through the shares to find things that serve you and discard the judgements/drama. That stuff is about them, not you.
I believe you also mentioned loss, moarning loss of what was.....Thats probably the core feeling that needs your attention.
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Scarlet letter?? Hit up some meetings and make friends. I’m loud and proud about my sobriety and my life has never been more full.
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Its tough but everyone has been there one way or another. Right now you really need to focus on you, your sobriety, and recovery. If something or someone comes along, great- if they are the right person it wont matter if you are sober because they will want to support your plan of bettering yourself to be the best version of yourself. Im proud of you! Welcome to the community- youve got this!!
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AA meetings , as many as I can fit.’the phone always. I walk a lot 
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