Does anyone have any success stories of repaired relationships that were damaged before you got sober? I guess it depends on the individual… I’m just thinking about some of the people I’ve lost/ bridges I’ve burnt and wondering if there’s a chance I can fix things.
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Any bridge can be rebuilt. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time. It also will eventually have to be worked on from both sides. I am reminded of a bridge they built in my area. The built the approach on one side, then they began to build the bridge. Once half way don't the other state began to build the actual approach. There was highways that had to be rerouted, and new roads that had to be built. The reason one state started first is there was a lot more work to do on their side. They had to blast through a mountain.
Relationships are like that sometimes. While those who you feel you lost may be willing to reconnect, the work they need to do is not quite as daunting. We in recovery have a mountain of trauma and mistakes to blast a tunnel through before any bridge can be built. Keep working it may rake time but it will be worth it.
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Thanks Steve!
Hi Alyce! First, congrats on your recovery! Obviously there’s no chance without sobriety. I’m almost 8 months into my recovery. My experience has been that you can mend bridges. Every situation is different, and as Steve said above, it does take two. I’m repairing my relationship with my wife and kids. It’s been a work in progress, but I’m very pleased how far we’ve come. I have been working extremely hard on my recovery, and they have been pretty open to receive my efforts. In some ways my relationship with them are better tan have been in years, OTOH, it’s going to take many more one day a times for her to trust me again. I broke and betrayed her trust very badly, and I understand there are going to be moments when she gets triggered and gets scared and angry. I am learning to live with these moments. I go to AA and work the steps. My sponsor and support group have helped me a lot. They have taken get me to keep my mouth shut and listen. They taught me to acknowledge my wrongs and don’t defend them. I can’t erase what happened, and make the wreckage all go away. However, I can make amends by living a people life today. They call this living amends. It’s been working for me. I have seen it work for others. It’s a process. Regardless of how your friends/family respond, you will learn to be happy and content if you work a solid program of recovery. Work on yourself, and all else will take care of itself. 
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Alice! Welcome! I have mended a few relationships so far in my sobriety. Time is a key factor, working a spiritual program is another, and making amends to those we’ve harmed is the last way to repair the relationships we’ve lost or destroyed. Some of them may never be repaired. However, when we continue to stay sober, work a program of spirituality and give ourselves to being of service our harms will cease. We will begin to know a new freedom. We will intuitively know how to act towards others.
Please read some of my older posts. I have one about an amends I made to my former boss. Which reminds me that I have some more to tell about how this amends has turned out.
I’ll pray for you. Have a blessed day filled with love and peace within.
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Thank you! Making amends with my former boss is kind of important to me. I’m even hoping I might work for him again at some point. We’ll see I guess.
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Welcome,
I’ve learned that making an amends isn’t about us. We’ve harmed them, they are mad at us. Making an amends is all about the other person. Just wanted to throw that out there. Plus we have to live this amends for the rest of our lives. That means we make the wrong a right if they will let us and we swear to never harm them again or anyone else in the future. We do this by continuing to work our spiritual program. Growing spiritually is how we now longer hurt others.
Thank you for letting me be of service. I’m here for you.
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My amends to my ex-wife was huge. It was a very contentious time with a lot of battles on a lot of fronts, and I just laid it all out there. I acknowledged my role in our demise. I acknowledged how my behavior hurt her and our kids. I was specific in telling her what I was doing to prevent future duck ups. And I asked her if there was anything more, or more specific she needed from me.
That was Christmas Eve 2020. Everything has changed between us since then. I’ve met her fiancé. She has a key to the house where I live with our kids (when they’re with me).
When I began my most recent sobriety I was on my 3rd CPS case. I had child support hearings, custody hearings in 2 states. I had criminal court. I was unemployed. I was broken beyond repair in my mind. And I’m grateful every day that I had my program and my sponsor and my support of my family. Through a lot of work, I’ve repaired a lot of the damage I’ve done, and I’m always ready to keep going as opportunities arise.
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Some I have salvaged and some I have lost forever. This goes for marriage, friendship, and relationships. Just remember. It takes twice the time it took you to mess up, to right your wrongs. Someone who endured drunk you for 1 year? They need 2 years of sober you in order to come around. It’s all about patience and continued sobriety. Show and prove.
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