I've been through 2 programs in the last 2 years, and have been clean from my DOC for over a year. I'm out of managed care, and staying out of temptations way. But I just found out that my dad's very best old friend, the one that's been in my life as long as I can remember, is on his last legs, and could go at any time. I just reconnected with him last week after several years, since the drug use kept me isolated from people who's opinion I actually value. My daughter agreed to take me to see him, and I was going to try to get someone to come along and record it, so I'd have that to remember him by. But when I called him yesterday to ask his permission, I found out that he's taken a turn for the worse, having to have more body parts amputated, and riddled with cancer. I am NOT handling it well. I've been a hysterical mess all day. He didn't want company yesterday as a procedure had to be done, but my daughter is taking me to see him this afternoon. I have a history of going into deep depression after deaths, and I'm scared. All of my family is already dead, other than my children. It's the lost memories that are really getting to me. With his passing, there will be so many things that I'm the only one left alive to remember. My circle is small, and becoming smaller still. I don't want to go down the path I've done previously. But just because you see the tidal wave coming, doesn't mean you can get out of the way. I need some people I can reach out to when I'm drowning in sorrow. Is anyone available?
