Ugh new here...0 days clean, I mean literally I'm using right now. But I smoked myself sober. I feel nothing, no high, no euphoria. just despair and regret, gilt and grief. A little background, I'm a 39yr male who is bipolar 1 with co-morbid substance abuse. Ie what is that you ask? Basically they feed off each other. When experiencing mania or depression my cravings come on strong. When I'm medicated and euthimic I barely get cravings or urges. I need to quit, but I'm ready to give up on my life. I just don't care about myself, there are only 2 things I care about my parents, and my kids. They are what motivates me until I get it in my head I'm not good for them. Idk I ranted long enough. Maybe today will be the day I smash my pipe and start my journey again for the umpteenth time.
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Get some professional help and go from there bud you got this
Wade seek treatment asap! You said it yourself you have people that need you here