I find myself lost in my own thoughts and feelings. This truly sucks. After a few good days now I am depressed and sad. I miss my wife. My old life (not miss the drinking). Not urges to drink. Just these disappointing feeling of failure. Just lost right now
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Thanks Chris. Appreciate your advice.
It’s a roller coaster but just hang in there Luis 
I write daily, not just to reflect but to also to acknowledge what Im grateful for. Free time is your greatest enemy, cause we dwell sometimes in our own negative thoughts. There was times where I wanted to end it all, but I took it day by day. Recovery is a lifestyle, things don’t just happen over night. I’m not a religious person but if you believe, many find praying helpful. Just stay strong brother.
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The funk is real man. Been there and it still pops up. Do something that keeps your mind busy but is t too much thought. I color or build legos. To me it keeps my brain occupied but not taxed creative juices flowing and you can see a product at the end. I’m taking up wood working and gonna build a fountain. Anything to shut off the brain a bit.
It’s easy to get lost in that initial vacuum that recovery creates, but this is a good sign that you’re in the right place, doing the right things because you’re feeling emotions.
It’s okay to acknowledge those feelings, it’s okay to also let go of them and remember that they will pass if you let them go.
One of the hardest things for me was wanting to be back in the space that fed my addiction and forgetting that by being present I’m doing the work that will result in a better life for myself and those around me if I choose to let go and do the work, one freaking moment at a time.
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Check out meetings man they keep you busy. You can join on zoom if you can’t get to an in person share about your struggles and ask for guidance 
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Thanks for all the support and love to all of of you. It helps a lot knowing ppl out there that understand what I am going thru and have awesome advice. I do go to meeting once a week and get one zoom meeting during the week.
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Get a sponsor asap