It's been months now. And I haven't stopped except for like 3 days. I know it's wrong I know it's dangerous. I know it complicates life. But since I started using in March. My mind has been opened. The fog has lifted. I'm noticing all the toxic unhealthy abusive relationship issues in my life and I'm able to address them. Identify them. Reject the irrational thoughts that usually come with them. Stand up for myself. Use my voice. I have a voice. I matter. My life matters. My feelings matter. My boundaries should be respected. I should be allowed to have privacy. I'm allowed to exist on my own without my partner being there or knowing every detail. Not because I want a secret life. But because I enjoy autonomy. I crave being an individual so bad. More than any drug. And this drug. Meth. Has given me some power to enforce these things. To reach out for help. To break the silence and stop the violence. How can something that has given me my fight for my life back be so wrong ? How can something that potentially saves me also be something that could potentially kill me ? Why are the things that we enjoy the most always the things we shouldn't have or can't have ? I know I need to stop. I know I need to find my power without meth. But I don't know how or where to start. Counselling helps. Group therapy helps. My psychiatrist helps. But nothing seems to be able to stop this impulse to smoke. I just keep talking to myself and reminding myself that I want to stop I want to be healthy. I don't need it. I can live without it. But the messages aren't getting through to my soul yet I guess. I pray I find the strength to change before something drastic forces change in my life.
I've known quite many functional meth users. Stimulant users aren't subject to the same type of hangover of downers/alcohol that are detrimental to a normal life. I don't know how much you use but even assuming light chronic usage, your risk for cardiovascular events rises 2-3 fold (stroke /aneurysm/ heart attack). Meth usage is almost always synonymous with hypertension (high blood pressure and tachycardia ( high pulse rate) and their accompanying risks, which basically multiply the cardiovascular risks by 2 again if they are happening. Sorry to medsplain by the way ...I imagine most reading aren't from a medical background 🤷.
I would imagine the usage is also disruptive to your personal life, which for some is the definition of addiction - chronic use and does it adversely affect your every day life? The best way to cessate off of meth is to taper down your dosage. Hopefully you have a consistent dealer with consistent quality. Then cut doses by half each week. I had a girlfriend I got off of cocaine this way which is similar in both being stimulants and predominantly a mental addiction. What stinks is I couldn't really find anything to help you guys ween off of meth or coke. Adderall and other amphetamine salts work but are hard to get and then you just get addicted to them (she did). If you are serious about quiting then taper off and know that it will take a month or two before your dopamine and endorphin systems normalize ( reward centers). Meth hits these way harder than most things...it's like the best even in your life with each use in terms of dopamine release. Anyhew, there will be depression in that time before normalization, anti anxieties are better for stimulant cessation and therapy is about all you can do. Then it's a whole lot of fortitude. If you need another good reason ...I'm a dentist...nothing has destroyed teeth like meth addiction in the past decade or two in my area. It dissolves enamel at a crazy rate.
Well sorry for rambling. Good luck on your search for sobriety.
I’d be in therapy with somebody..you time to talk, A load shared is a load halved. I’m always more balanced by doing it. We aren’t built for some things..yet going thru stuff anyway. You can ask for sliding fee scale.
psychologytoday.comcom
I feel you 100%. I am a functioning addict so much so that most people have no idea & would be shocked that I use at all much less daily for over a decade. When you 1st get off everything is so “blah” there’s no highs - even everyday colors in life seem dull. I do know it’s very gradual that I start to feel better & can be on time (well I’ve never been the most punctual person but I’m no longer hours late!)
It sounds like you’re justifying your addiction. It will kill you. You need to go to detox. I know that you will hate hearing this but I thought the same way you did once. One day you will have to make a decision. Do it sooner than later. There is no such thing as a healthy long happy meth life.
Personally, I believe addiction is is giving our lives to the devil. I too THOUGHT I had clarity. I even did worthwhile things. I also lost my kids, jobs, girlfriends, fiancé etc.
I am lucky to have escaped with my life.
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR SECRET POISON DANCE WITH DEATH.
it ruins lives. Period.
3 days is good..you can do it again, start with the next 24 hrs. just don’t pick up for 24 hrs. I drank and went to AA..I got 1 day, 2 days, 10 days, 1 day, 3 days, yup. Then I said come he’ll or high water, I’m getting 30 days. And I did. Now at 5+ months. It’s only because of my home group. I’m sticking with this group..I’ll spread out later..what I’m doing is working..M, W, F, I rest in between. I’m 66.
We got 12 days sober come 8:30am 10/16/23! And last night I wanted to use. Bad. I even texted my guy. But failed to follow through on picking anything up thankfully.