Love means putting my self esteem at risk. Is this

Recovery
#1

Love means putting my self esteem at risk. Is this correct?

To me, it has always made sense that if I am a failure at love, then I ought to feel as if I have sinned; as if I have acted viciously, as if I have betrayed the person who I called my highest value.

I haven’t cheated, I haven’t bullied, I have not intentionally manipulated someone. I’ve caught myself in narcissistic behaviors once, and corrected this.

I held the belief that neither partner ought to feel as though they are giving up any of their freedoms by choosing ourselves as our true love, and I tried practicing this as consistently as I could, and still, my partner and I eventually come to feel co-dependent… to the point that it damages us beyond repair.

This has now happened twice for the only two serious relationships I’ve ever had. I’m tired of watching myself fail to be a good lover. I’m tired of battling low self esteem because of the failure that I see.

How does one overcome this obstacle and why should love risk one-another’s self-esteem? What can I do to prevent this from occurring in my next attempt at a serious relationship?

Thank you,

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#2

In my second relationship, I communicated ten times more than I ever did in my first. I had grown from the first. I learned about the value, and virtue, of reciprocity. Communication was still an issue in my second, but the cause had to do with our most fundamental beliefs and basic assumptions about life in general, not necessarily to do with our daily livelihood.

#3

The beauty is when we work on ourselves. Everything even our relationships get better.