Well, I am going thru too much right now. I had stopped drinking and felt so good about it. But I've been drinking again and it's been bad. My mom had a double mastectomy recently so I'm dealing with that. I'm being abused and bullied at work by my supervisor, and the day before Thanksgiving she (my supervisor) suddenly died. Me and my best friend of 40 years fight CONSTANTLY (Well, she screams and punishes me) for drinking. My boyfriend is on the Austism Spectrum so his support is limited. And other things. It's no wonder I drink, right? I don't want to but I don't know how to cope. I'm working from home today and I'm drinking. It's not ok. I have a therapist but we don't seem to be able to get too deep. I just need support from y'all I hope, because I really don't have options.
You do have options. Get involved in a program of some kind. AA worked for me, and plenty of other people. Everything you listed off is just an excuse you use to justify what the addiction is. Life on life’s terms is not easy but it is worth it and possible to achieve… if you want it bad enough.
I’m sorry that you’re going through all of this. It sounds like maybe you need a new therapist ? Sometimes it takes time to find the right one. Also, maybe look back on the day that you started drinking again and think about the moment you decided to. Like what the trigger was/why.
And you do have options ! Maybe a group would help you ?
Or even for today you can atleast go on a nice walk during lunch or something to clear your head
Yes do something nice for yourself today. It doesn’t have to cost a cent. Like a nice long leisurely warm bath or going window shopping for example. It can take your mind off of feeling bad about relapsing. There is no reason that you should feel guilty about slipping. That’s what we alcoholics do. Feeling guilty longer doesn’t mean you’re more noble. It just punishes you. And if you had diabetes you wouldn’t feel guilty about a drop in insulin. You’d just take more insulin. Alcoholism is a disease disease that likes to lie to us by telling us it is not a disease. Forgive yourself and accept forgiveness and move on, and know that you can choose to be with others that don’t have the need to tear you down to feel better about themselves. I mean really know in your heart.
Thanks y'all. When I say I don't have options I mean I live in nyc and I have no time and leave available to do anything inpatient. That's not for me. I think I need people like y'all because you're supportive and understanding and I just need to reach out more frequently. I appreciate you! And I appreciate those of you who have offered kind supportive words rather than judgment.
We’re here for ya. Would be great to have a therapist who understands you and you can trust. I would keep looking. First things first. Get sober. Detox and rehab if possible. You could learn some coping strategies there.
Can you go to meetings if not rehab? AA saved my life.
Get to meetings
Get a sponsor
Work the steps
Only if you want your life to change.
Talk with your self a little nicer for today. Let tomorrow go for just a few hours. Then lather, rinse and repeat
Sorry to hear that you're having so much trouble. This trouble that you're experiencing is defined as life. Life Goes On.
You don't have to deal with your boss anymore. I would recommend dumping your boyfriend for right now until you get some serious sobriety time under your belt. And if your friends are yelling at you they obviously don't know anything about addiction. If they are causing you stress I would stop hanging out with them.
Choices!
You can make any decision you want as long as you can live with the consequences.
Staying out of relationships in early sobriety was the best decision that I ever made. I found out after a while that I was actually codependent and I needed to learn how to live by myself dealing with life and taking responsibility for anything that was mine before I had anything to give to any relationship.
It's not a permanent decision, it's just for now.
Oh and by the way. Did starting to drink again help any of your situations get better? You picked up a drink because you believe the lie that alcohol tells us; that this time, everything will be okay. But it never is, is it.
You quit once before. You can do it again. But you need to learn to play the scene forward when you have a desire to pick up. You may feel good for a while but after a while you will be right back where you are right now with more shame to carry around, knowing that you accomplished absolutely nothing.
How to cope?
Change your life by deciding who you allow in your life and surround yourself with people that have been where you are at. Alcoholics Anonymous is the program that helped me.
I think I've given that advice to you before Kelli.
Remember that nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Alcohol makes everything worse and is trying to convince you that you do not have options. You have options. As has been relayed already.
There are many resources which can help you to attain coping mechanisms, the tools to become and remain sober. Books, podcasts, support groups, the list goes on.
AA is one option and there are many, many others if AA is not for you, Kelli. Alcohol is just wanting you to feel as if you do not have the options.
Distance yourself from that friend who is yelling at you. Right. A lot of people who do not get addiction try to shame us which makes it all worse.
Find a more suitable therapist. There is always going to be something in life, one or many things. You are going through much while there are choices. Glad you reached out.
I used to think that way. That I had no options but to drink.
That line of thinking got me my d u i and jail time.
Trust me, you have options.
Wishing you strength. You can do this and become, remain sober Kelli.
Right On!
AA really helped me. I was in therapy for 2 years weekly before I finally kicked my ego to the curb and went. So glad I did. I wasn’t able to get deep in my therapy until I did that. I hope you try meetings. If you don’t like the first one keep trying different ones until you do. 
with zoom meetings it’s super easy. I can give you info for the beginners meeting I got sober in if you would like?
I love zoom. I even did a meeting in London.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. Living sober is hard, but if you’re willing to be honest with yourself and accept that you’re powerless over drinking your on the right path. Hit up some meetings in person or online you might be surprised at how much in common you have with strangers. You are not alone!!! You can do it.