Mentally struggling with getting through to my spouse. Currently we are not together but living under one roof. Not ideal but it is what it is. She doesn’t understand triggers for me yet I try to explain my feelings and why certain things are not good for me especially we are like oil and water and she just seems to dismiss it. Her father is going through cancer and she asked me to be at the appt yet she say’s I give her anxiety and she talks about how I’ll talk to much ask to many questions so I say to save an argument later since I cannot handle the anxiety of did I say the wrong thing or talk to much I suggest she take her mom and now this has caused a sh*t storm here for me for trying to avoid a confrontation later. I just feel I cannot do right no matter the situation. Feeling very defeated today.
Why don’t you try to go to the appointment and respect her wishes and just be there for her and not ask any questions. It’s not her job to understand your triggers. It’s your job to figure out your triggers and get a spiritual solution on how to overcome them. When I work the steps, the steps work me. God bless. I hope this helps. 
Be there for her but take care of yourself. Hoping for the best
Be of service to her, hard as it is, for us to recovery we have to get out of ourselves. Are you working a program or have a sponsor?
Yeah man, sometimes we just need to shut the fück up and be there for the people we care about. Embrace the suck and be there if she needs you. She will tell you what she needs, you dont need to assume you know what that is. Your triggers are your problem. Just be there for someone you love. Hang in there man.