Today for some reason I'm really missing my brothers that passed away. I lost my twin a little over 12 years ago to a morphing overdose. And I lost my missle brother about 7 years ago the suicide. for some reason they r weighing really heavy on my heart. I miss them so much. Has a picture of us as kids. The only one that's alive is me and my mom in this picture now. I feel like using hopefully it doesn't come to that so I'll be feeling 12 something years down the garbage
You gotta let those stories go! I lost my twin over 20 years ago and alot of friends..
I stayed looping in suffering over the deaths of their bodies and the childhood abuse. I told everyone this is why Im this way!
Create the story of I am resilient I am powerful I am this new person that has this new life with a better story!! You are the only one that can let go and make the decision to be happy. Not any of the people including therapist that want to label and give you more stories to heal the past. There is no suffering in the present theres only now moment. I still struggle at times but I constantly come back to the present and know if pain comes up it is a story I created from the past! I say this from my heart and I know the pain!!! Check out Brian Whithers on YouTube to help you see your power its all about changing uour mind!!! It wont happen overnight bug you’ll start getting glimpses of the peace and happiness that will turn into days of it. You just have to change your thinking! 
Healing is a trap!! It is made up and a lie!