The app chimed at midnight, announcing one year sober—only it’s wrong. Last Friday I was told my job was no longer “a fit” after 8 years, and was told I was being severed (HR-speak for “fired”; and I’m in HR. I had to turn in my equipment and I drove from UPS straight to the liquor store. 1 year to the day I decided I needed rehab. I lost my progress over a stupid f-ing job that I didn’t even like anymore. My sober count should now be 2 days, and I can’t bring myself to reset the clock.
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You made it a year… that is no small thing. Should you have driven from UPS to a meeting… sure but the last year’s success don’t disappear because of one slip. Own it, feel it, and start over. You got this.
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Counting days is overrated. You woke up today sober? You are good. You are amazing! It's like we are so addicted to the number (myself included) that we want to rush through life so we can say we did it! You're doing it girl.
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I just struggled with this too. I messed up on Thanksgiving. Do I reset the clock when I know that I know (!) my decision was so solid when I stopped in June. (?) I don’t want to get hung up on the count but the count also feels good…. Humph!
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Reset that clock.. that’s why we are here.
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I think everyone has different philosophies… but here is mine. I believe that shame and self punishment got us where we are to begin with. You had a whole year sober and one day or week of a slip. I believe you do not have to reset any clock, but can honor the time you put in, reflect and learn from the mistake. If you haven’t yet, check out Annie Grace/ This Naked Mind. She calls it a data point because most people with a goal of sobriety have days they relapse, but as long as you look inward and reflect then keep the days going, minus the ones you drank if you’d like to keep track.
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See my comment on this post- I don’t believe resetting accomplishes much other than self shame and blame!
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Don't even worry about it. When I was in the rehab they were big on the whole Just For Today theme. It checks out. As for myself I don't know what my actual day I went sober was , and don't want to. Because I'm not gonna count days ... and then feel guilty just becuz I drank 1 time. I am sorry about your job tho. But tomorrow's another day and your gonna b just fine.
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I'm sorry you had to learn this the hard way Audra.
I was sober for almost 9 years and I relapsed in 2011. It cost me 3 years out there. I'm now coming up on 9 years all over again and it was a big lesson for me. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to relapse. All you can do is learn from it and move on.
You relapsed because you believed the big lie; that this time, everything will be okay. But it wasn't, was it?
We have to learn to play the scene forward. If you pick up you feel good for a while but sooner or later you're right back where you are right now with more shame to carry around, realizing that you accomplished absolutely nothing.
You started over once before and you can do this all over again. You already have the tools and you know where you messed up. You'll probably remember this lesson for the rest of your life.
Be thankful that it didn't cost you your life. That does happen to some people and I've been around long enough to see it several times. People relapse and they don't come back.
I'm glad you have another chance.
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Wow… very well said. Thank you! Agreed. Love, Annie Grace.
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Thank you—I’ll check that recommendation out.
Dave, thank you. I needed that.
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