Morning after, why do I keep doing this? When I

Morning after, why do I keep doing this? When I know I'm going to lose everything I have! I keep telling my self this is it, this is the last time! But it's never the last time. Tired of the anxiety of what was said and done during the bender and the repercussions that may arise, do I need to love my self first? How is this possible when I despise being in this body?.