Most days I’m grateful to be an alcoholic, most days I’m grateful for this journey. Not as of late. It’s of no fault but my own. The minute I step away and stop working a program, I am setting myself up for failure. I may not fail in a day, a week, a month. There’s no question of if it’s a question of when. This is now my 3rd time I’ve made it a year only to come crashing down when something small happens. I can see what happened, I know why and how and what not to do yet every time I do so well and work really well for a few months and then I get the “I can do this without you” mindset and that’s just not true. I cannot do this alone. I cannot live a happy joyful life if I’m just a dry drunk. Here I am climbing out of this deep hole I’ve created once again.
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