My 40th birthday is this May, all I wish for is to stay sober, lately ive been really hard on myself feeling guilty and ashamed of the things ive done while I was blacking out. The trauma I caused my family haunts me. 
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Acknowledging your mistakes and the hurt you caused is amazing. Many of us don't.
Now, you have the chance to make amends. Recognize what you did wrong, apologize, and show changed behavior. Don't excuse what you did.
It'd be nice if everyone came around right away, but people need time to process everything.
Regardless of what happens, forgive yourself. Move forward. You're not your past!
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Happy early birthday!
The fact that your biggest wish is to stay sober says so much about your determination and love for life in recovery. That's the mindset it takes to STAY SOBER!
Guilt and shame are horrible monsters to battle but honestly, they end up making stronger.
You deserve to celebrate this milestone
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We all go through those feelings. I found working the steps in the A.A. program gave me great relief and positive results. Just a suggestion. Hang in there 
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Focus on your accomplishments. If anyone has you feeling bad for what you're not doing now, break em off. You don't need it. Some people don't want to see us well. They want to appear better by putting someone else down. You've done so well for yourself. Be your own best friend❣️
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That’s a beautiful goal. You deserve a birthday full of clarity, self-love, and pride in how far you’ve come.
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