My dad is dying

Other
#1

My dad recently went to the hospital with a major brain aneurysm, they suspect he’s had it for a while. It hasn’t burst yet, but they are trying to come up with a plan to see if they can remove it or whatever it is they do. They say that the success rate would be 50-50 and that even if he survives he might not get much more time depending on how his body handles it.

I’ve never really had an amazing bond with my dad. He was no dead best by any means, he was just an emotionless man who rarely ever talked to us. I never really felt connected to him.
After I got sober 2 years ago, I have been lucky to only lose one good friend to liver disease(alcohol related) so it wasn’t any sort of pressure for me to drink there.

But now with all of this I am non stop thinking about drinking. I was working on trying to rekindle a life time of missed chances for us to bond this up coming years. After I got sober I was able to see him for who he is. He even got some mental help too and it completely changed him for the better. Unfortunately I was deep in my addiction and didn’t give him the time to talk much to me.

Now I’m dealing with pesky regret of not giving him time and just want to drink.
It’s dumb. I know I shouldn’t, I know I came this far, but my body just wants to shut all feelings off and go numb while this process happens. I’ve never really dealt with death or someone dying sober.
What to do…..

3 Likes
#2

Also, I’ve never been to AA, at least not during my current sobriety. I went when I was curious about quitting drinking 5 years ago but I felt it wasn’t exactly for me. I quit on my own.

#3

Deal with it literally, yiu are doing fine... theres no way to change past

1 Like
#4

Keep going dont drink

1 Like
#5

That is a tough one to swallow. I lost my mom to brain cancer. 33 days is all I had to tell her a lifetime of things I wanted to. I was heavy into my addiction at the time and didn’t handle her getting sick well, but I was so drunk most of the time I just had an emotionless outward appearance. Most people thought I was being strong, but it was me not dealing with it.
Y out said he has a 50/50 chance? Well go with the winning bet until you know different. Just be there and build what you can. Good luck man.

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#8

I’ve thought about it. My girlfriend is 7 years sober and goes maybe 1 time every other month.
I just have a hard time talking about myself in front of a lot of people. Online is a bit different. I guess I’m not the biggest person to be in the spotlight when it comes to talking about struggles. But you’re probably right. Maybe I’ll look into a local AA and see if there anything close by.

#10

My mom had one when I was 17. She had emergency surgery. It had complications. She is alive but not the same. My grandpa died of one when I was 6. They are genetic apparently. I get an MRI every five years now to check for one. I’m sorry to hear about this. Hugs.