My drinking was an emotional outlet for me rather than to numb or forget like some. Sure it helped me relax for like an hour or so but then the depression hit me and I was able to let out all the pain all the trauma and all the emotion that I was stuffing deep down while sober. Caused frequent nervous breakdowns of course.
If anyone can relate and struggles with trauma and/or mental health issues along with addiction then I strongly encourage you to seek out counseling especially also psychiatry or peer support groups, etc anything you need to get healthy. You deserve to be healthy and happy! And you are not a victim of your mind, body & emotions. You have the right to a sound mind and are in control of your urges. Do not let the enemy win. Keep repeating it!
I can't express the healing and growth 12 steps recovery and counseling has offered. But ultimately I owe it all to Christ! If it wasn't for God, I would not be here today. Love you guys and most importantly God loves you 
