It's been a rough couple of months. Some could say with the grand opening of my new art gallery being a success, I would be "on the mountain top!"
But I'm not.
I AM happy it went well. put the time, resources & a lot of work into it. But part of my efforts were ensuring it was success with this guest list I created to calm my nerves about guests showing up for it.
Live in the solution.
I had a nervous breakdown or something about a month before my grand opening. The actual experience was terrifying and my test results show I had abnormal levels in my stress chemicals, white blood cell count and hemoglobin. So it was more than just a panic attack, although REAL panic attacks arent light.
My employers lacked empathy and my immediate boss was even more demanding of me the week following my emergency hospital visit, of which I told her about. It confused me because they don't really take serious health issues lightly at this company.
My partner left me out of the blue only a few days after our vacation together. I was already coping with his lying and cheating prior to and trying to accept what happened and move on from it so we both could start fresh together in our relationship. It was horrible to be broken up with over the phone with only a few words and then a week later to see him at an event as he tried to score with some random strange girl I've never seen or met before right infront of my face knowing I was clearly there. It was beyond dismissive, it was abusive and insulting to not only me but the relationship we shared together.
To top it off, the grand opening required me to be on my A-game and there was a lot to be done for it. Under normal circumstances I would have felt really great about the turnout, but I just felt like an observer watching my own triumph.
I feel empty about the whole experience and even now, I am not totally here.
Fragments of my spirit and empty places inside of myself are making it difficult to truly FEEL the joy of life.
I'm not ungrateful, just discouraged about people and their support.