My feelings are so out of control. I’m officially detoxed, everything is out of my system & my brain is resuming business as usual. AKA, making my life seem unbearable when it isn’t even that bad’! I’m upset & scared & paranoid. I pray every single morning & night. I meditate, I go to meetings. But I’m just so mentally ill. Drugs & alcohol made me feel like one of the Normal People who wake up happy. And sometimes when I’m sober, I do wake up happy. But my brain doesn’t stop until it finds a way to destroy that & make me miserable again. I thought getting sober would make me better. But I feel so much worse.
I understand that completely. How long have you been sober? I’m almost 2.5 years after 30 years of partying. The first year was just as you described, the second better but still not great now half way through year 3 things are falling into place. It’s sucks but after 30 years of use it takes a long time to develop new ways of thinking. It sounds like you are doing the right things, staying sober, going to meetings, using this app…. You want to be sober or you wouldn’t have gone this far. Many of our problems stem from our own issues, maybe some therapy to help you start thinking different. Exercise, not the gym, long walks helped me. I for sure felt worse before I felt better and it’s hard but it passes. Hang in there and be patient, put the work in, get a sponsor, you got this.
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Thank you. It’s been almost a year since my last drink, but I’ve only quit drugs 36 days ago. I have a therapist, and a sponsor, and I’m going to go to group therapy for my eating disorder & my church is having a revival this week…I’m just so tired of working so hard every day to still feel like 
but I don’t want to go back to my old ways. I just wish my new ways didn’t feel so much like my angsty teenage years.