An Addict Journal for 01 August 2024:
As I find myself on day 90 into my 90 day rehabilitation program at the Augusta, GA VA Medical Center, I am struck by the immense challenge that lies before me. Each day is a battle, a test of my willpower and determination to overcome my struggles with addiction.
The program is rigorous, demanding, and at times overwhelming. It pushes me to confront my past, face my demons, and make difficult changes in my life. The therapy sessions, group meetings, and individual counseling all serve as constant reminders of the work that lies ahead.
There are moments of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. The cravings and temptations to fall back into old habits linger in the shadows, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike. But I am determined to stay strong, to persevere, and to emerge from this experience a better, healthier version of myself.
The support of my fellow veterans and the dedicated staff at the VA Medical Center is a source of strength and inspiration. They understand the struggles I face, the battles I fight, and they stand beside me every step of the way.
As I navigate through this challenging journey, I am reminded of the resilience and courage that resides within me. I know that the road ahead will not be easy, but I am committed to staying the course, to facing my challenges head-on, and to emerging from this experience a victor, not a victim. This is a challenge, but it is a challenge I am determined to conquer. I made it! I did it! We did it! We made it!
Now it is time to leave this bubble and face the real world. I can’t do this. This is a We program not a me program. Thank you for being part of my recovery and my journey.
Good deal.
I highly suggest that you attend meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps. There is a solution in doing that. I think you will find the solution is not as daunting as you might think.
My sponsor and I are starting to work the steps on Sunday. I’ve been invited to NA meeting this Saturday ; so my higher power is putting a plan in motion. Thank you. Matt I will do as you suggest.
be kind to yourself above all else.
This is a difficult task for me. I am in the process of learning to accept and forgive myself. Sometimes, we are our own harshest critics. I commit to treating myself with kindness. I am grateful for your support, Hope.
I'm praying for you, brother. It says in our book that "no human power could have relieved our (disease), but God could and would IF HE WERE SOUGHT". I would highly recommend daily prayer and meditation, and going to as many AA (or NA) meetings as you possibly can. If it wasn't for the fellowship of AA, I am certain I would be dead by now. I have tried treatment, will power, attempting to think my way out of this disease, and every other option that I could think of. Even being terrified to death that I was going to kill my infant daughter after a football game and a day of drinking as I was nodding out while holding her in my arms. That scared me away for a few years, but I had no defense against that next first drink at my friend's wedding. I went RIGHT back to it. The only thing that saved me was working the 12 steps of the program to the best of my ability, and developing a relationship with my Higher Power, which I choose to call God. It's no longer a struggle, I am no longer "tempted" or "triggered". I can go anywhere and do anything, and I don't think about drinking anymore. I've been to weddings, funerals, parties, bars and breweries on dates (which I definitely don't recommend early on in recovery). I walk a free man today thanks to God and actively working the steps. I live in steps 10-12, pray and meditate daily, and the obsession of drugs and alcohol is gone. I wish you the best, but this program works 100% of the time only if you work it!! 
I have served in both the US Navy and US Army, and I have never felt the same strong bond and support as I have in the rooms of Recovery compared to my time in the military. I am proud of my recovery journey and thankful for the incredible people I have met in these rooms and on Loosid.. Thank you for your love and encouragement.
I thought I had posted both my before and after photographs, but only the one from today has been posted. I wanted to show my progress from 90 days ago until now and I'm sure many can relate to wanting to share their journey. This has been the toughest challenge of my life.
Andrew is right on.
Less willpower more lack of power. Less fighting more surrendering. I also walk as a free man today, able to go anywhere and do anything I want. By the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
All you need to be is honest, open minded and willing.
i have learned that i am more addicted to hating myself than to any substance. so maybe we can embark on the self-love journey together
Absolutely! I've found that the way in which I approach this program is crucial to my success. I am committed to being honest, open-minded, and willing to learn. It's not about just going through the motions of recovery, but truly understanding and implementing the strategies for success. I may have known about the importance of the HOW before, but it wasn't until I started actively practicing it 90 days ago that I truly began to see the positive impact it has.
I would like that very much! I’d love that actually!
it truly is the hardest thing, this learning to love myself, because i have let myself be the victim, and what did i get out of that? a lot!! as the victim, i drank, pilled, was an asshole, etc. but being the victim keeps you in the past. to make this life/sobriety/self-love thing work, we have to fight like heck to stay in the present. but there is an army of positive warriors on here. we can do this!
I am holding onto every word you say, and I can relate to everything that you just wrote.
I used to lie, steal, and manipulate to get drugs, hurting those who loved me the most. I would to be kind to my dealer, plug, and fake friends who only cared about me when I had drugs. Now, facing divorce and losing my home and pets, I see that I've lost everything I worked hard for in my sobriety ( I relapsed on April 15. )
I don't even recognize the person I've become, and I struggle to like the person I see. It's hard to find anything likable about myself, let alone to love. I'm holding onto the belief from those who came before me that self-love is possible. People like you, Hope, give me hope.
Way to go! Stoked for you Tony
Word
hey, T, i’m a retread, too. remember: it’s a practice; not a perfect. it’s factored in that we’re going to screw up from time to time. we are human. BUT, it’s not what you do that you’re judged (at least in my book); it’s what you do AFTERWARD that matters.
i sometimes get down on myself… i’m 56 and now live in a studio apartment, gave up a law practice, had a ton of toxic relationships, put my body through a lot… but i’m grateful for that now. that person i was before wasn’t happy. I had to be blacked out to do anything. The stuff that I feel worried about, like where I live, etc. it’s just superficial. I’m starting to like who I am, and that’s what matters. We’re all gonna help each other get there. deal?
if there is a local county veterans services office near you, they usually have contacts to free to low cost therapy, and other benefits. THANK YOU FOR YOuR SERVICE!
Hope's right about county programs. King County Vets has been so awesome. Honestly better than VA on the day to day stuff