My life the last 24 months has been a long winded roller coaster. From a simple slip and fall and an odd broken bone in my thighZ A broken artificial knee (told it was impossible) that turned into three operations, Which turned into a post op infection required 3 months of self given IV's and another three operations, having half my rump removed and placed in the leg to replace the meat lost through the infection, only to be told the infection had returned into the leg. Back to the ER to have my hip replaced now, a rod all the way through the thigh, the knee removed again, another rod down the tibia (shin). 24 months between wheelchair,
walker, and crutches. Not able to go up or down stairs to mtgs, doing Zoom mtgs.
There is a point to all this. Day in and day out. Through immense pain, strain, insomnia, loneliness, and boredom....I didn't and haven't had a drink or get high.
I'm broke, haven't been intimate since Covid,
have no knee in my left leg until 5/17. Trying to start an on line business in the midst of the first down year for on line business.
So why write this? Because I've been lucky. Was beaten down enough many many years ago to say I give. I can't figure this one out. I came early and stayed late because all
my old friends drifted as I wasn't the same kind of fun. I found someone who made sense and I tagged along. I shook hands when introduced, and I listened much
more than I shared. when my attention span would allow I read. I learned a lot about the who, what, where, when and why of AA and NA.
I visited church, listened to new age music, tried tai chi. All of which had something that stuck.
The one thing I was
actually "doing" was sitting on my hands when needed to get through a day without drinks and drugs.
Staying alive was
the same as staying sober. I started to make friends. I started to make a contribution to my own life. I talked and more often listened to others having the same
problems I did. I became
a good "sit n listener".
So when I got a little time together and didn't think I needed mtgs anymore
I went anyway.
When I got bored I went anyway. When the same guy or gal spent 5
minutes droning exactly what they said yesterday knowing they would do it again tomorrow I went anyway.
All those times were deposits in some karmic,
or spiritual account.
I've been making withdrawals this last 24 months. Huge withdrawals this last 2; months. Makes me happy to think that I had so many reasons to bail and never did.
I don't have the fancy condo on the ocean anymore.
I'm not in Miami with model, or the Network
TV anchor. No weekends in the Bahamas. No big pay check. They all left as quickly as earned them. It's all a very familiar feeling.
Soooo...I do
whati Imdid first time around. Eyes are on
me as folks look to me for help. The advice will always be the same.
- Do something nice for someone tomorrow with no return expected.
- Talk in some fashion with someone else in AA or NA.
-Talk with your sponsor honestly.
-Remember what yesterday was. Evaluate what
you might have done better and correct it today.
-Pick your rear end up and go to a meeting.
-No matter what don't drink or get high. chew gum, eat cookies, sing in the car, self care yourself, just don't drink or get high.
Sleep well. Think of me. See you tomorrow!!!
