My mom passed away on 8.8.22 and before that my aunt passed away and my great grandmother and now my childhood Bestfriend passed away I’ve experienced a lot of loss this year and I relapsed and I’m trying to get clean again! I’m so depressed, disappointed in myself… I just want to be happy and live a happy clean life! I can’t believe I have to start over again!!! Have to go through withdrawals again! It’s not a good feeling!
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Give yourself a little forgiveness and grace. It’s ok to start again: I lost my mom and dad in the past 13 months. You must continue to do the things and see the people you love. It is love not time that heals all wounds.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve been dealing with a lot these last few months, that would cause many people to relapse. Loss is a big trigger for many people. Those things you want, to be happy and live a happy clean life, you can have those things! You’re gonna be grieving probably for a little while, but while you’re doing that, give yourself some grace and another chance to get back at it and focus on you. If you need someone to listen or to chat with, reach out. I’m always available.
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Thank you appreciate it
You don’t have to go through it alone. I have many years of continuous sobriety from alcohol and drugs. 13yrs sober my 20yr old daughter passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I was devastated but had a son to take care of, not well because of my devastating traumatizing experience with losing my baby. My daughter. I was angry, depressed and much more. I didn’t drink over the loss but acted out in unhealthy and not “sober” ways. Then in 2016 I lost my 29yr old son who I had spoken to hours before his death. A great conversation, telling each other that we loved each other and much more. At his burial I was told that I had to take care of my father who was recently diagnosed with cancer. I was angry that my family put this on me at such a difficult time and didn’t allow me to grieve or investigate the situation surrounding my son’s death. Well after a year of chemotherapy treatment appointments and much much more. They decided to stop chemotherapy and operate to remove the cancer. Though they told my father that he may never be able to eat food again. Fed by tube. So he refused and died the way he wanted to die. Enjoying food and deteriorating health because the cancer came back and he died a year after my son died, last seen alive on the death certificate on my daughter’s birthday. Now everything hit me all at once. I didn’t drink, but became physically (I thought) sick and went to the doctor weekly for tests as she kept saying I needed a therapist to talk to. After many unnecessary tests that I requested and she would tell me that are not necessary. I’d say that I would get a second opinion and then she would give in. Perfect physical health. But mentally in a depression, anxiety and ptsd. I reached out for help.
Call a helpline or 988 which is a new helpline line for mental illness. No shame. I’m in trauma therapy and more again because of COVID pandemic and isolation and lockdowns and loneliness. I’m grateful for sober experience that told me to call the hotline. I lingered in pain for months after losing my brother months earlier and was miserable. Now I’m snapping out of it with help. Don’t be ashamed or have pride preventing you from asking for help. Message me anytime also. We can chat or talk about anything you need to talk about. We can help each other. That’s what it’s all about. Stay strong, stay safe 
