Im a little hesitant about this not gonna lie because I feel like im not addicted to alcohol because i can go weeks and months w/o it but when i do drink. Its a forsure black out and i turn into this Violent/agressive person. I cant control it, i get from not feeling buzzed to 10mn later being Drunk Af with bo memory. Ive ruined alot of relationships and friendships. I think i might of ruined my reputation. How do i live like that? I live in a small town and i feel like im constantly judged and cant go anywere without shame. So idk if im in the right place for helpšš„¹
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Hey Jay. I went through a long period of time that I could go for extended periods of time without drinking and my behavior sounds the same when I did though. Same age also. I didnāt think it was an unmanageable problem but it progressed until I got sober near three years ago. I could only not drink for a few days. I drank the same every time I picked up. I have learned that it may not be how often that is the definition but what alcohol does to you when itās in you
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Iād suggest looking up chapter four of the AA big book, the description of the alcoholic and just seeing if you identify with what is written or seeing if you can do some controlled drinking. Thatās one drink an hour while your keeping an eye on what your feeling.
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Right. It doesnāt matter if you arenāt physically addicted to alcohol- we all have the same problem. Which is we are POWERLESS when it comes to alcohol. You have a drinking problem when drinking causes you problems- thatās the bottom line. I too can go months without drinking. I can have a full bar in my house and not touch it at all. The problem is I canāt stop once I start. I am no different than a person physically addicted to alcohol.
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Thanks for ur advice Brian, i appreaciate it. I will look into it.
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im definetly feeling powerless in those situations. Its nice to hear that im not the only one.
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You are not the only person one my friend, I have a very similar story. I hope your story doesnāt continue as long or as far down as mine did. I have a very good life now full of great friends, healed relationships and donāt carry the guilt and shame of my out of control behavior. Just keep an eye on yourself and youāll come to a conclusion. You are not alone and there is plenty of help out there
As far as your reputation, I heard a quote āshame breeds in hidingā meaning the more you hide, avoid and run, the bigger the shame grows. Own up to things, accept it and work on getting things back together. People will respect that about you. This is not the end of the world and thereās ways around everything. You growing as a person, people will notice and you might even inspire people. I was genuinely shocked about how many people I inspired when I started to work hard on my growth. That kind of stuff rubs off on people.
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I thought this as well for many many mnay years. Society as a whole tends to have the perspective that you have to be drinking daily and losing control of all aspects of your life. You can be a functional alcoholic that's drinks everyday with a kick a$$ job (I know these people), you can be a functional alcoholic that drinks occasionally and controls it but other times loses control, you can be an alcoholic that rarely drinks but always over drinks, and you can be a totally nonfunctional daily alcoholic. Those are some examples. There's a lot of videos and articles put there about this. The thing is no matter the sub category of alcoholic you are its ALWAYAS progressive . I was a problematic drinker, functional drinking occasional without over doing but soemtimes overdoing it with consequences. After trauma hit my life I became a functional daily alcoholic but my functioning was decreasing. I stopped thinking if I should or shoukdbt drink and just did it without thought and there were many consequences. It was realizing I no longer questioned if it was responsible choice it became not a choice. I did almost start a physical addiction. This is what made me start my sobriety. I wanted my choice back. I have 72 days!