My now ex ended things with us after a year and 7 months on Monday, just about 6 of those being sober, one of the last things she said to me was, “I liked you better drunk”
I’ve been struggling since then and every moment feels like I’m gonna pick up again.
Calvin, I’m so sorry. That is one of the most frustrating comments to receive. In the end, my question to you is, do you like yourself better drunk? Because I know I certainly don’t like myself better drunk. I am pushing forward for a better life for myself and through the years have opted to let go of the people not wanting to come on this journey with me. Sending you a hug, break ups are so rough.
I definitely don’t like myself drunk. I was a terrible person for the most part, very hot headed and could flip at any moment if someone did something I didn’t like. I’ve learned that I’m a better person sober. Now it’s about picking up the pieces that she tore down to conform to her version of perfect. I haven’t loved myself for a long time. Now it’s time to pick myself back up and build myself the way I will love myself again. Make new, sober friends that will have my back.
You’re comment is much appreciated Jenn! Thank you very much!
Ok.. this may not sound great.. but my father once told me “women are like buses.. when you get off one another one is headed your way”..
I guess that was his way of saying there are plenty of fish in the sea.. 
Anyway.. focus on yourself for awhile.. I know it sucks.. I’m going through a separation myself.. but all I know is I can’t be in a relationship right now.. right now it’s just about me.. good luck!
oh no. That is a hard thing to hear. Things like that are said out of pain. Not truth. Pray for her. Forgive her. Never forget. When the time is right someone who ticks all the boxes will wander into your life and it’ll be like a light getting turned on inside you.
Oof- I had a similar experience /comment recently from my partner of 13 years (who I’m no longer living with now). That sh*t is real rough to hear. I’m sorry. I know the temptation flares back up after comments like that, but I think it’s also worth remembering that people sometimes say things A) without thinking about how their comments are being interpreted and B ) as a self reflection.
Sending you all the good vibes - keep up the good work!
It definitely didn’t feel good. On top of that she claims that other people agreed with her. She refused to back that statement up with a name. I know it wasn’t my family (friends included since they are my family) because they saw me drunk, while I was fun, I was masking a great deal of depression and pain. I had a lot more moments that I was very ashamed of. None of my people would ever say that about me because they have all told me how proud they are of me for bettering my life. Also, she has made zero attempt to meet most of my friends and family, so she definitely wasn’t talking to anyone that knows me the most.
I’m sorry you had to deal with a similar situation! While you might have been a “better time” you’re better off without it in your system. I’ve realized that I’m more fun when I’m sober because no one is on edge around me anymore. I enjoy remembering every situation and being a goofball when I’m sober.
One of my favorite recovery slogans is that it’s none of my business what other people think of me.
I am sorry you went through that. I will say though it sounds to me like she needs sobriety as much h as you do. The catch with getting sober is you become a new person. Sometimes the person you were and the person you become are totally different people. It isnt your fault she wants an altered person over you. Hang in there, and figure out who the new you is. Get to know him. Then find someone who like him.
Definitely man. One of the things that I was told in rehab was do not make any life altering decisions within a year or get in a new relationship. Well I was in one, so now, I’m taking the time to really make myself the way I want. I was broken and built her way, not mine. Now it’s time for me to get myself right and focus on my well being and put my sobriety first over anything.
I went through a very similar situation and all I can say was it was a blessing in disguise for me. I hope it will be for you too. Stay true to yourself and vigilant in your sobriety.
Maybe if she liked you better drunk she didn’t really like the real you. Just sayin
That’s how I’m trying to tell myself it. My sponsor said the same thing!
I’m sorry, that sucks Calvin. I had to divorce to get sober myself, it was hard. We are different people sober, in some ways I could see how others might not see me as much fun as I was when drinking. But I didn’t quit for them, I quit for me.
Unfortunately I was blinded by the thought of trying to fix us and thought she was on my side through this. I’m taking in the fact that I know I have the program, my sponsor and this awesome community
Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet with her. Anyone who says that to someone in recovery doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Hope you can heal from that relationship and find someone who wants the best for you!