My reflection in the mirror is not me

Struggling Help
#1

A dear friend just sent me a photo of a letter I wrote to her, then, unborn child. It read:
“Dear Baby, First of all, WELCOME! You don’t know me yet, but your mommy is one of my best friends. I am a little in shock about you being here, I mean it’s like FHE BEST MAGIC TRICK EVER! Something out of nothing; not just something- YOU! You being born is ridiculously awesome! Words can’t even begin to describe how excited I am to meet you, hold you, and watch you grow. There is so much I want to tell you, baby, like how amazing you mom is. She means the world to me and I am not sure I could navigate life with out her. She truly is a special person, you chose well! I have yet to meet you but I feel this urge to tell you stuff. Little stuff that I have learned along the way… I’ll start small. Day in and day out I am bogged down with the monotonies of daily life, worry, stability, and adulting. Then the other day, I looked up at the sky. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. In that moment I realized how perfect being ALIVE is. Being ALIVE is this crazy, ridiculous, utterly ordinary GIFT. YOU were given this gift, baby. Make sure you look up at the sky.:black_heart:L

I have been losing and giving away little parts of myself, so small that I didn’t even notice pieces of me were missing. Then something little happens, like my best friend sharing a memory, that made me wake up a little. Enough to see I that my reflection in the mirror is no longer me, rather a soulless, lost, shell of someone i used to recognize.
Active addiction is ruining me. My drug of choice has been manipulating and lying to me, telling me the only way I can feel a resemblance of happiness is if I am high. This b!tch has be believing That I have never known happiness and I never will.

The person who wrote that letter, she had a soul and was more being than human. She had hope, contentment, smart feet and showed up to her life. How did I stray so Far, so fast?

Better yet, how TF do I get back to her?!

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#2

That was very beautiful to share...it may sound cliché? Idk...I've found that my greatest weaknesses can become my greatest strengths...life is teaching me a great lesson in humility. I was just thinking the other day that who am I to post on here with "advice"? I'm only 31 days sober and a mess of a human being. I'm no one but I see that you lay your heart out so since I'm not able to give you a hug I just try with words to pass on a little understanding and love your way

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#3

Sonia, thank you. Don’t minimize your recovery time or even your mess. The is beauty in every crevice- including the mess and grotesque. No matter the state of your life, recovery program or soul, you have something to offer. You are someone with two hands to help and a kind heart to share. Don’t diminish that and never dismiss the time you have in recovery! :black_heart:

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#4

Right back at you :heart: I'm holding a mirror 🪞

1 Like
#5

As an artist I :100: agree with the mess/grotesque...seems the analogy of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly :butterfly: ...it really is all GOOD if we choose to see it that way

#6

“I have been losing and giving away little parts of myself, so small that I didn’t even notice pieces of me were missing” I feel that. So much.

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#7

I don’t call myself an artist, as I am not formally trained and don’t want to affect the greats-but I am a creative soul also! When I’m healthy-I try to always live creatively… crafting, art and creativity are my passions for sure!