My relationship of 10 years imploded after I stopped drinking

Recovery
#22

I think you know the answer to that last question.
With all due respect, and I'm not saying that it was, in fact, a bad choice, we don't really make the best choices when we're out there and drinking and drugging. Stay clean and sober and stay by yourself, and as time goes by, you will be looking through a different set of glasses.

Alcohol and other fun girls we'll cause him to more problems. I guarantee it. At this point, all you can do is lead by example. And don't fall for any tactics where he wants to move back in with you, or he needs your help that requires allowing him back into your life before he can demonstrate that he has truly recovered. Because it will just cause you more problems.

You made the right decision.

Sometimes, when we make the right decision, it will give the appearance that things are getting worse. They're not really getting worse. You're just closing doors and opening up new ones.

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#23

Iā€™m wayyyy proud of u! I know that took ALOTTTT, I think we all have to learn how to be alone at some point.. and maybe heā€™ll follow ur lead u kno, u never know what the future holds but I am so proud of u! If u need a friend Iā€™m here, Iā€™ve have almost 3 1/2 years clean

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#24

Lolly, step one says it all for him right now and prayerfully he will get that some day, please stop thinking that if you went back to it all that things would be normal again, what was normal? The chaos, the unmanageability, the hardship and heartache. A breakup in recovery can be very difficult, it's change which many of us when we are comfortable with the norm are very uncomfortable with but it's a chance to grow in who you are as a worthwhile person, it's a chance to learn about yourself, it's a chance to find true love and that comes from within, I hope this helps, take care :heart:

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#25

Losing your best friend is really rough. Becoming your best you makes it worthwhile. After all, ya'll weren't treating self nor eachother as friends should. Love yourself first, then you will have meaningful and successful relationships and ONLY then. I used to hate it when people would tell me to love myself or to forgive myself. It literally took 15 years for me to understand what that meant. And I did try believe me I did. Journaling was extremely helpful for all that. Group therapy, rehab and many meetings of all different sorts have helped tremendously as well. Today my best friend is Jesus and that may sound cheesy and cliche but it's true. I would love a significant other and a best friend in that person and I hope to one day get there. I'm only going to do so the right way, the slow and steady way. And the organic way. Not letting s3x determine what makes a good person or relationship. Not letting s3x be part of the equation whatsoever, not for a good long while. And at the end of the day if I find no one other than Jesus, I can honestly say for the first time in my life and at 43 years old I am 100% okay with that

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#26

That wasnā€™t a normal life. Be really proud of yourself for being a better person and making positive choices. You will have a happier and healthier life without people like the one you are talking about.

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#27

Thank you all SO much for all of your encouragement, your advice, and for sharing your storiesā€‹:purple_heart: I canā€™t tell you all how truly helpful it is to read it all. I had downloaded this app maybe 2 years ago, kept having to update my sobriety counter, deleted it, downloaded it again, kept having to update the counter for another several months before I finally got to update it for the last time (itā€™s only keeping track of my alcohol date since you canā€™t have two but my cocaine date is sept. 6th of last year):purple_heart: but this is the first time Iā€™ve really reached out about what Iā€™m going through, and Iā€™m SO glad I did. Iā€™ve felt very alone in this whole mess, and trying to be compassionate while sticking to my guns and keeping myself mentally stable has been really challenging. Thank you all SO much for taking the time to respond to this, it means more than you knowā€‹:purple_heart:

#28

I just hit 10 months, and I re read this. I was engaged to an abusive narcissist addict. It is hard to let go, but I know that choosing soberity and freedom from the toxicity of the relationship is the best course of action for me. Just need to take it one day at a time and remember it's about progress, not perfection.

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#29

the fact you realize that you needed change is amazing, and the fact that your trying even though you could be allowing him to trigger you back into that lifestyle takes a lot of strength

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#30

Hey Lolly just curious as to your relationship? Did you remain apart or get back together?