My sponsor and I parted ways today. I have negative thoughts and feelings but I’m too numb to be bothered sharing them. It just REALLY isn’t cool. Whatever.
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Sorry Heather. You’ve shared some of your struggles, and I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I hope one day soon you see this in a different light. Sometimes in order to let something new in, we need to let go of something old.
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Hang in there Heather. Other people struggling out here need your experience in this struggle.
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Thank you. I was trying with the one I had. And she ended the relationship rather abruptly on the phone in a 6 minute conversation and things she said to me only further made me feel as though my negative thoughts about myself were valid. I’m in no way prepared to start all over. Especially on the stepwork. And learning to trust someone again. I feel so bad that my past and my current issues are so far outside of what others are comfortable with. I feel as though I will continue to attend NA but it took me months to find a sponsor. I’m not ready to do that again. I’ll do what I’m doing, getting outside help for my problems and take what I can from meetings and fellowship.
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I have had the same issue with a sponcer years ago and then ghosted by her so I got a temporary one and that didn’t work out but it’s a very small area here and everybody knows everybody’s business and it’s very hard to trust so I can completely understand your situation just stay strong read a lot spiritual books journal make a daily routine!! 
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Thank you Tami. I appreciate it.
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We’ll just be open to a sponsor who understands you, and eventually you will find them. You don’t ever have to restart your steps, just pick the ones that apply to you and follow them the best you can. It’s not like you need to climb a staircase and have to climb every step, focus on sobriety and healthy living should be your goal.
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I wish that was true. The not restarting the steps. With NA they “require” it. It’s annoying. I’m honestly ok without going through all this.
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It’s going to be okay. You are okay. You still have your recovery program, and you continue to stay clean and sober ODAAT. You are blessed to be where you are. Have faith, and more will be revealed 
❤🩹
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I sincerely appreciate your support.
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That’s happened to me twice Heather. Once I had to break it off with a guy I felt was egotistical and advising me to do things that were subjective, even by the steps’ standards. The other guy cut ties with me, even though I didn’t drink. He said to still call him if I needed to talk, and I did, but I never heard from him again. It was painful and for a time I lost faith in 12 step groups. But, I also know a lot of other cool people in the groups that work the program, but are not toxic and dogmatic.
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It happens. Enjoy the peace.
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Have you considered getting professional help? I'm at 9 months and have a sponsor now, but seeing a professional really helped me during my first five months. It can be hard to find someone you feel comfortable with, I know. I've heard a lot of good things about the website "Betterhelp.com."
Wishing you the best. Try to avoid letting this make you feel like there is something wrong with you, there isn't. That person wasn't right for you. Hoping you find someone you can be open with it.
Yeah I have that too. I have all of that. I’m even in a waitlist for a trauma therapist on top of the regular one I see. I don’t get to see her often cuz of her case load. That’s how it is when you are poor and on Medicaid. I have a pcp, a case manager. Even a psy dr. I have all the things. I’m trying to get a peer support specialist right now. So that will help me too. It’s funny because I’m also about to train to become one. I appreciate the suggestion. Thank you.
Sounds like a good plan, baby steps.