My wife is showing all the evidence of leaving. She's having an emotional affair. I got sober, did outpatient therapy for depression. She said jump I said how high. 3 months of nothing but she can't say it's over. Says she dosen't know. She says dosen't want to hurt me but thinks I would be happier with someone else. I can't figure out how to get my heart to listen to my head. This hurts more than being told it's over.
Is your wife sober? Rarely does it work if only one person in the relationship gets sober. I just ended a 18 year relationship after being sober for 4 and a half years and my wife continuing to use. She had begged me for years to stop and I finally did get sober and entered program and continually worked on myself. She too had an affair and did the whole “ I don’t know” thing. I’m the e end the only thing that could have given us the slimmest of a fighting chance was if she was to get sober and work on herself and then our marriage. She chose not to time after time so I finally left. If she is sober than that is a whole different story and time and god will show a plan. Either way I feel for you and can only tell you that maintaining my sobriety through this has ben the biggest blessing for myself and my kids. Keep doing the right next thing!
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That is unfortunately one of the effects of sobriety. If you look at it from her point of view, what did you put her through during your active addiction? 3 months is fantastic and a huge thing, don’t discredit it at all. Remember making amends is step 9… not 2. We can not think that those we put through he!l will just jump for joy and forget all the wrongs we forced them to deal with.
It took about 9 months for my wife to trust me again. It wasn’t until 6 months before she started to relax and not think I was playing a long con for some nefarious reason. Sometimes just being sober is too little too late. There is no way of knowing if it will work it’s self out. I will say just keep focusing on your own sobriety.. not for her, your job, kids… but for your own well-being. Life on life’s terms my man. I wish you luck!
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Best of luck to you brother. Praying for you. I lost my marriage over drinking and the things I did when I was drunk. The key is to focus on yourself. Send me a message in chat if you need to talk.
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Often, the best growth we experience in sobriety is when we are alone and unpartnered. You will get through this.
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Hey Rex, I've been there? Sounds very similar to what I went through, she wanted her cake and eat it too? I hung on too long and it was such an emotional rollercoaster. You actually got sober and she is still on the fence. Sometimes we know the answer but it's so hard to face? Be strong and do what you think is truly best for you. Break ups are one of the worst triggers,if you think she's out you might be right. Stay focused on you, she might realize she's the one losing?
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Tim L hit the nail on the head. Stay focused on your sobriety. Without it, we have nothing.
Personally, I had to let mine go. I cannot be responsible for someone else’s happiness. The past is done and cannot be rewritten. All I can do is my best, just for today.
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