Need some positive reinforcement

Recovery
#1

Need some positive reinforcement today. I have been sober for 26 days now. This is the time I’m done forever but I feel alone. A lot of anxiety thinking back on all the things I said to people in the past that hurt them. When I’m sober I think I’m super caring and friendly. But when blackout drunk I deserve to die I’m such a bad person. How do you all move on from all the stupid stuff you have done in the past?

I think a hard part to explain is that people who don’t suffer like we do don’t realize how I am a totally different person when drunk and it’s not “drunk words are sober thoughts”

Thanks for the help y’all

1 Like
#2

First off, congrats on 26 days! That is great! Don’t worry about ‘forever’, just take it one day at a time but I love the motivation.

Go to meetings, get a sponsor, build your sober network (call them!) and work the program. If you work the steps, you will begin to heal over time as you repair your spirit. Don’t worry about everyone else at this point, just focus on your own recovery and learning about the tools that will assist you over time with your recovery! The future is brighter than you could ever imagine at this point. Just hang in there!

#3

Thank you ray. It feels like I have ruined so many friendships and hurt so many people. It hurts me knowing that. Thank you for your support

#4

We all have, Mike. That’s part of the consequences of untreating our disease over time. But I assure you that many can be repaired in time through your actions to work the program and remain sober. For now, be kind to yourself. You deserve it as you’ve suffered enough. Realizing change is the way shows it. We are all in this together!

#5

Your post hits hard for me right now. I’m only on day 4 (for the millionth time) and i really want this to be it for me. I’m paralyzed with anxiety over the things i have said and done in my blackouts. I have hurt so many people and said and done things that have never crossed my mind when I’m sober. Complete Jekyll and Hyde. And like you, trying to explain this to people who have never experienced it and think that I’m just making excuses for my actions…it’s impossible and the anxiety and shame and guilt i feel over it usually leads me back to picking up a drink again. Just know that you’re not alone and reading that you’ve made it 26 days gives me hope. So thank you :purple_heart:

#6

Hi Mike, this is why many of us work a program of some kind. Working a program helps us work through and move forward from our past and teaches us how to behave in the present. Some great programs: AA, The Luckiest Club, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, and Celebrate Recovery.