After an amazing 11 months of sobriety i relapsed , I’m going down this horrific spiral and i feel so lonely and desperate, i just need someone to talk to .
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I’m 1 week sober and also struggling,
I just keep telling myself my life is way more beautiful if I actually remember it.
Don’t slash the other thee of your tires, just because you messed up one.
You can do it Jess!
Just get back on the bike. It seems scary at first, but you’ll be back in no time. Hitting a meeting probably wouldn’t hurt either
Don’t forget that’s not cause to judge yourself because that’s what alcoholis do. That’s why it’s called alcoholism not alcoholwasm:love_you_gesture:
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Hang in There Jess you. Make a meeting God has got you.
I learned a concept in my past stint in rehab; the difference between a slip and a relapse. A slip is drinking or what have you, realizing you messed up, and seek help and/or start actively trying to retain sobriety. Relapse is partaking then just giving up and going on a bender essentially. It sounds like you slipped, which is the best time to catch it before going into full relapse. Don't beat yourself up. It happens. I full on relapsed prior to my 5 year sober anniversary last year. You've sought help and most on here would tell you to find a program that fits and start working it (AA, SMART recovery, Refuge Recovery). Most of these have online meetings if you can't make it in person but they help tons to maintain. And, hate to sound like an echo on here, but "One day at a time" is how to do it regardless. Wish you strength and serenity. Good luck on your new streak 
I was coming up on 10 years and then started smoking marijuana. My sobriety became less and less of a priority as the years have past.
In AA I always heard that alcoholism and addiction will go “underground”. If my spiritual condition is not maintained, the beast will resurface stronger than before. I’ve experienced this first hand and I am beginning again. This is day four for me again. I went to a meeting yesterday and will go to one again today.
You and I are currently getting a real life lesson as to what the first part of step 1 truly is saying; You are going to drink or use. I am going to drink or use. Maybe not now, maybe not 10 months from now or 10 years from now but if I do not take an active part in my sobriety it is inevitable that I drink or use again.
They say it’s “one day at a time” but for me currently it’s one moment at time. I really recommend meetings. Work the program, find other alcoholics/addicts to support you. It really is life or death. So many folks don’t ever make it back again. Best of luck to you😊