I feel so utterly ridiculous and stupid. Regardless of using or not i feel like i just cant keep with with myself. I know my skills and i know things that help the emotions. Regardless of the skills and the somewhat healthy things i do it never makes ir offically stop. At least when i did use i felt more collected and i wasnt as explosive with them. Im back to 25 days clean cause i relapsed even though i may not have been myself when it was happening i didnt have to worry with going off on my self and others. The risk for suicide wasnt as high as well. Being strung out may at times been scary yet i was able tk ease into more then i can then when im sober. My emotions are everywhere and it’s overwhelming and then i just shut down. Ive delt with this before i was using and i continue to be that way. Regardless of the skills and no matter the distractions it all comes back again. Its only a short time when im not worrying. It makes me want to scream and claw my eyes out. Vent over.
The skills do work it’s just only temporary lived for that moment. Then all the intense emotions just come back full swing. It’s always like a punch to the stomach each time. It’s both mentally and physically exhausting.
Rachel, the fact that you’re able to express all those feelings really says a lot. 25 days clean is awesome, feel proud! Use those feelings to remember that this journey your on is gonna lead you to understanding and loving yourself more, you just have to be patient with the process and give yourself grace when things don’t go as planned. You got this!
Not know relaxing and winding down surfing Facebook lol
Go to a meeting or call a friend need a friend pm me I’m a phone call away 
🫠:wink:
Please just give yourself time.
Everything in you feels like it’s spinning out, like your soul’s covered in an open wound. And instead of slapping a Band-Aid over it, you already know what it takes to truly heal.
But real healing? It’s not instant.
It’s slow. Uncomfortable. Messy.
You’ve got to sit with it. Stay with it. Walk with it.
Because one year from now, two years from now, five years from now… you’ll be glad you didn’t give up on yourself.
And when you see someone else struggling, showing up anyway — reach for them.
Because when you help them, you help you too.
I hope this lands where you need it.