New day same battle i need help i need to just stop but i just cant seem to stop i dont want to violate and go back to prison i just cant do it anymore this weight of this battle with addiction and life i got me going crazy but yet im still functioning still going to work still doing what i have to do but i just need to stop using i hate that this habit is gotten the best of me
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I am going through the exact same thing right now .. I just started over because I messed up yesterday after a week and a half .. as long as we keep choosing to do the right thing we have a chance. If you need someone to talk to I'll talk with ya.
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It’s was hard to go a day. 24 hours. But I got to a place of not being able to drink one more beer. I ran to computer to find meetings in my new state. I found a home group that meets M, W and F . I feel safe there. I have jobs. I will have 3 yrs and worked first three steps. I start my 4th step when I get my 3 yr chip. I’ve done it in my head but not written it. I have resentments. My sister had resentments when she took her own life. She left a message: “F you, Pat, Pop and Freddie. That’s sister, brother, father and son. Then she left. I had women friends lifelong who really were the “C” word. My self-worth had me depending on them for crumbs of validation. Until I woke up and realized they were selfish, self-centered and I validated them by kissing their “*sses. It was degrading. They looked down on me. I was a good friend. I put up with their BS. I’ve hated them for using me as a pushover. I’ve had yrs of therapy. I have changed. They will never look at themselves. Now I see them as miserable. They will never change. But I don’t want to hate. I’ll work steps on them to get over it.
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Jason, I had to take REAL ACTION to avoid going back to jail. I was facing 20 years. Take it now or regret it for decades. So I went to detox, got clean and went to in person AA & NA meetings every morning before work and every night. It worked! 16 years completely sober and no time.
I’m here if you want to talk.
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Thank you for sharing that Kathy I truly appreciate that. I will respond later when I get off of work
How r u doing Jesus it's a pleasure to meet you bro. Yeah I am struggling bad I got kicked out of a sober living and I am staying g with this couple who are good friends of mine the problem is they use and I am using. I feel guilty every time I use but yet Im still using im on 2 probations and I told them I am using and I need to stop like now or they will be sending me back to prison I got out last year went to rehab been clean and after rehab I dont know what happened I just ended up relapsing and now I am fully at it again this sucks I have been an addict for 20 years and I dont know why I just cant stop