Im sure everyone on here knows, some days are easier than others. I am at 322 days alcohol free currently but it seems like the higher the number gets the harder everything is. My main problem i have with drinking is by myself, when im at a social gathering i am good and have a stopping point. Though i dont think ive been strong enough lately so ive refrained from all drinking. People in my life tell me they are proud of me, that im strong, and all this other bullshit they are supposed to say. I dont fully know why but i just dont fully trust anyone. I still feel like that f*** up with a bottle in my desk, the f*** up that cant do s*** right, and most of the time i feel like a straight up fraud. I understand that everyone has a different struggle and being sober for one person isnt the same to another with different addictions. But i smoke a lot of weed. It doesnt seem to be a problem other than it makes me feel like a fraud when it comes to going to a physical meeting. The smoking hasnt affected my life negatively at all so I just always considered myself California sober. I really dont know what im looking for from typing all this out, maybe i just needed to get it out there. Im sad, im lonely, and i just need a hug man
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