I try everyday to be sober but fail. I feel like i need help but don’t want to tell anyone the extent of my struggle because of my job and all i have to lose. I waste so many days hungover though and am so happy and almost shocked at how good I feel when i finally wake up after drinking less or not drinking. It’s like I dont know whats wrong with me. 25 years have gone by of heavy drinking. It was fun for a while but now its a lonely thing I hide and keeps me from my sober friends, dating, exercise, so much. I cant have a break to recover though because of all my responsibilities.
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Wow amazingly said keep trying understanding people care helps just remember to remind your that you matter today I love life I love learning and I am so grateful today 
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One day @ a time
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That's rough. We've all been there. Have you tried meetings and meeting other people that are in recovery? There's online meetings as well. I can give you the links to some meetings.
That's really good that you're putting yourself out there here and admitting that you have something that you want to change, and you want to better yourself. Feel free to talk to me anytime...
That poison sucks, I know the feeling as I have been a binger from time to time but now will stop. It just causes discomfort, and I know you can leave it behind.
I used to feel the same way and then I ended up losing my job because I didn't admit I needed help. Its ok to reach out and ask for help it might just save everything your afraid of losing.