New to Loosid but not to the recovery scene. I was sober for 5 years in the early 2000s. I did it on my own, but was seeing a therapist for anxiety and trauma. I thought I could go back to moderated drinking and for a while I did. I drank for a while because I enjoyed the taste, but I also had another addiction. Exercise and watching everything that went into my mouth and for several years what came right back up. I never went under weight but several people said I did not look healthy. Fast forward to 2015 when we lost my dad suddenly. I had a hard time with the grief and during certain times of the year... I still do. I have a very stressful job, a spouse who is disconnected and two children with ADHD and my youngest has suicidal ideations. In the last 2 and a half years my drinking has gotten out of hand again. One glass of wine became two and then the entire bottle. Sometimes two a night. I feel disappointed in myself, ashamed for my behavior, guilty for putting the bottle before my family and sadness for losing myself for so long over the course of my life. I'm at a crossroads with my career and need to choose what's going to help me get healthy. I haven't been healthy for such a very long time. My coping mechanisms suck because I have an addictive personality. I have been in therapy for the last 3 years but quitting still seems so hard and my damn EGO gets in the way every time. I hope to find support here and possibly a local recovery coach. This is the first time I've written and admitted this to myself in a long time and mean it. I hate these words...I need help. My new sobriety date is 10 Nov 2021.
Welcome. You’re in the right place to get positivity in your life.
Seth, it's like an inflated feeling of self accomplishment after having abstained for Ă day, a week, a month, etc ... And then I start to believe that I'm good and can go back to moderated drinking again which is a total fat lie to myself but it makes me feel good temporarily and then I go back to one bottle a night or sometimes two and blacking out.
My dear fellow addict Arie. I feel your pain. Enough similarities to relate to your story. Got and stayed sober for many years. Achieved many goals, and built a family and business. Left to my sources, as the stress built up my addictions jumped all over the place. Work, exercise, food, sex…everything but drinking and drugging…until I couldn’t take the pain anymore. After 27 years of no drinking/drugging, I picked up again in 2016 to numb the shame, guilt, remorse, resentments etc. On the outside all looked good for many years. I’m an expert at living a double life. Eventually the walls caved in and my life became completely unmanageable. I’m at 111 days now, and working my ass off to have peace and serenity back in my life. It’s working brother. It can work for you too!! Get help now! We know it only gets worse. Whatever stress is going on in your life is not getting any better by pouring that poison down your throat. I’m here to help if you want. There are many others also wanting to help. Let’s go! 
We can not do sobriety a lone. That’s why it is a we program.all of them are. We
Thank you. It's good to know on the one hand that others relate. I've worn and continue to wear many hats in my life. Burning the candle at both ends and something has to give before the drink collapses me in the middle. I'm on day 4 and I want to do this for Me but also for my children. They deserve a mom who is going to show up.