Next week I will be 38 years old and that marks 2 anniversaries... I will have 30 years working in the kitchen and 30 years of getting high. See the first day I worked in the kitchen I was introduced to alcohol and marijuana. I have not stopped since. My parents have never been there for me and everyone has always cut me out of there life once they find out I'm an acquired taste that only a few rare people can pallet. I'm broken and want to be fixed. I want to smile for real and not have to fake it. I don't even know who I am because I have only pretended to be someone I am not all my life. A decent person who has it together. That is not me..I do not have it together and I am not a decent person. I am a monster who ruins everything I touch and come in contact with. Which is why I work so much. See I'm an amazing chef and can put out dishes that you will see at a 5 star restaurant. At work I'm in control and can find a solution to any problem. Once I leave work I am so clueless and lost about life. I'm going to be 38 years old and have nothing to show for it. I'm not married, don't own a house, and have no saving plan for the future. I need to change that but I don't know where to start. Because I have been working all my life I haven't had time to learn how to be an adult. Very sad. I am a culinary director but I have worked so hard to get here for one reason, I have no education. The last grade I completed was 8th grade. I hate cooking because it has taken me away from living and bettering myself. I want to change careers but I don't even know where to start. I'm learning to ask for help these days so I'm reaching out to my loosid family for advise. I have no one else and am all alone. I don't want to push people away anymore and I don't want to keep living life like this. Does anyone have any suggestions or advise. Am I the only one going through this or are there others out there that know the same struggle. Please help you're all I got.
First off thank you for sharing everything you did. Second you are not broken or a monster as you stated. You may have done behaviors that you were not proud of, but everyone does that. The fact regardless of whether you're happy in your chosen field or not does not negate the hard work and dedication you have put into it. If you want to change it is never too late to start over. My suggestion and these are suggestions take them as you wish and if they don't apply to your situation disregard them and find what works best for you. In regards to education. maybe focus on a GED program. In regards to other things ask yourself why do you want these things, because they symbolize adulthood or are they stuff you want to work hard towards getting? Retirement I totally get always good to have a back up plan. Start with a savings and put a little bit each check. These are just my suggestions. Safe travels and things will mend and heal..find what what is healthy for personal growth and adjust as need need be 