Not so long ago, I was an 18 pack a

Recovery
#1

Not so long ago, I was an 18 pack a day kinda guy, dead set on wilting away. Stopped eating. Stopped taking care of myself, my responsibilities, my life. I hated everything about what I'd become. I woke up exhausted, just knowing that drinking was going to be the only chance I had to feel normal today. The thought of going through the process of withdrawal kept me sick. And so I only regressed further into the disease. My kids couldn't depend on me. My job couldn't depend on me. And my bills couldn't depend on me. I got tired of that life and decided it was time to reclaim control over my destiny.

Today, I'm staring down the deadline of almost nine years sober. And this weekend I did something I'd never thought I'd be able to do. I passed my FAA exam on my path to be a private pilot. I am six plus years into a career I never thought I'd be deserving of, and I'm making more money than I know what to do with. I've bought two homes, and now have full custody of two of my kids.. One of which is thriving in college and the other who has been a straight A student his first two years of high school. If you'd have asked me back in 2014 if I thought I'd ever be deserving of any of this - I'd have emotionally wept and explained to you why I was merely put on earth to suffer. Why do I share all of this?? Because it's not too late. If you woke up today feeling hopeless in getting sober, read this and then read it again. If you're a week, a month or a year into sobriety and getting restless about why life isn't inherently better, or struggling to answer why even bother staying sober another day.. Read this again. If your mind is still convincing you that the life of addiction, poverty and poor relationships is worth more than what's on the other side of putting in the work to get and stay sober.. Read this again. If you've relapsed and found yourself utterly disappointed with yourself and thinking you "never get it", read this again. There's a beautiful life for you out there just waiting to be had. It will require work. It will require sacrifice and it will require a ton of effort to inventory the things about you that need work. But if only we'll apply ourselves, life will happen again. You can still make it. You can still make it and thrive. You have to remind yourself that it's worth it. That you're worth it.

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#2

Powerful words brother Nick. Your story is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing

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#3

Anything to shed some hope!

#4

We do recover :heart:
The gifts of sobriety are worth every bit of the growing pains to get to them so that we are in a place to give them back to others who need them too.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us.

Congratulations on 9 years !!!:raised_hands::partying_face:

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#5

Wow. I really needed to hear that. I’ve got 17 months but without program. A lot of growth happened still but I definitely hit a wall recently. Just met with my new sponsor earlier today for the first time and planned to start this week but a part of me was still skeptical/hesitant if I could do it or if it would make a difference. Reading how you said it requires sacrifice and “a ton of effort to inventory the things about you that need work” really struck a chord with me. I need to do that. I know it. Diving in. Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on all the well earned achievements and joys in your life :partying_face::tada:

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#6

Congratulations on your recovery and your accomplishments

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#7

Well, for what it's worth - I didn't use a program either. I tried, I honestly did. A couple of different ones. While im envious of people who did find success in them, I was not one of those people. But what I have learned this far into the journey is this.. The program doesn't get you sober. The program surrounds you with people to give you the tools you need to stay sober. That is super helpful for folks who struggle with the part about being able to point out the ugliest parts about them. I was always super critical of myself (and still am to some point), so being able to get real with myself about the excuses I made to justify my life was not that big of a problem. You can be your own own program. You can exercise the path towards righting the wrongs. The program just usually offers you a big hand up while you're learning to walk on your new legs of accountability. So again, I have zero bad things to say about the program. It clearly had a wildly successful rate. I can only say it didn't work for me. But the principles were very much useful to me getting my head screwed on right. So don't give up and don't think it's impossible without a program because it's not! Embrace the days that you've hit a wall. Those days are trying to teach you something. When you feel stuck, consider where you are today compared to 17 months ago. And in 17 more months on your hard days you'll look back to today and realize that you've actually grown a lot and didn't even know. Going through life's trials is a mf. That part will never get easier. But we become more able to adapt and flex in those moments instead of collapsing to what is easy. Opening a bottle is easy. Getting that genie back inside it is not.

I think a lot of people get hung up that first couple of years because we feel like we should be deserving of a vastly better life. When that life isn't there, we feel cheated. But remember this... Some people never drink or drug a day in their life and still love mediocre lives. So being sober in and of itself is not a guarantee of wild successes. It's just the main ingredient for people like is to be able to capitalize on those moments when they do present themselves. Everything in recovery is a building block. You can't put a roof on a house until you've built the house. At 17 months, your foundations just getting nice and settled. Take it in perspective and realize that once you start laying the bricks, it gets easier and easier. Eventually you've built something you'll be proud of. Just keep going and realize that the hard days teach us just as much as the good days.

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#8

Holy moly. That was a refreshing take I haven’t heard much of, if at all. I’m also good at being self aware, self analyzing, being honest about things etc so it’s really just a matter of using the right resources and being disciplined about what I know I need to do. I think I’ll still give the program another go and see what jewels I can glean from it but it means a lot to hear from someone who has walked a different path of sobriety that was right for them. The way you articulate yourself, there is a clarity that I’ve had when everything is aligned and I lost it recently. And without that clarity, the lines of what I ‘ought’ to do and what’s right for me gets blurred. But I will march forward remembering these are the times that sharpen and strengthen my intuition further.. anyways, thank you for your words of encouragement and for sharing your wisdom. You spoke so much truth here and I’ll be re-reading it the next few days :pray:t3:

#9

It's the beginning that got me; I related to that feeling entirely. Thank you for sharing! Your story is very inspiring, and congrats!

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#10

The pay off from hard work.

Thank you for sharing Nick. Congratulations, man.

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#11

Good for you!! I was a pilot before my drinking took over.

#12

Thank you so much for sharing, Nick! I totally relate to what you went through. It truly is amazing what can happen once we accept that we're alcoholics and we can't survive going another day trapped in that hellish cycle! It takes a ton of work and time to get and stay sober but it is so worth it. And you're a great example of the possibilities

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#13

Incredible story! Thanks for sharing.

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#14

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:

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#15

Beautiful story and ver inspiring.

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#16

Thank you for this.

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#17

Never too late. There's a whole sky up there awaiting your return!

#20

Absolutely amazing. So happy for you!

#21

God, thanks. That's just where I'm at. Better tomorrows

#22

Thank you for sharing!! I’m on day one of the journey and it’s good to hear that it is possible without a program! A program isn’t a possibility for me….

Where can you get a sponsor if you do not participate in a program and can not attend meetings??