I am grateful for nothing. This has been the absolute worst year of my life, and I can't wait for it to be over. The year, not my life.
2 Likes
Silver lining my friend… there is always something to be grateful for. Air in your lungs, a roof over your head, a sunrise with no hangover… I get the trials and hardships. We all have them and sometimes it feels like quicksand. Look for the branch to pull yourself out brother… we will all help heave ho!
2 Likes
Here's the thing, Tim: I am not currently sober. I know it's what I should do/be, but I don't want to. I'm not sure why I'm still on this app. Maybe I'm looking for encouragement to be sober? I'm still trying to keep attending my therapy sessions, which were key to my sobriety maintenance, but I'm telling my therapist that sobriety is no longer of such import to me. My therapist is in an office that is pretty focused on sobriety, so I think my disinterest in sobriety is a bit frowned upon.
Steven at least you’re honest . Hopefully 2023 is better for you
3 Likes
Luis has a great point. Your honesty is important. If you have worked the program ever then just pray for the willingness to get sober. You’ll be done when you’re done. Hopefully you’ll be alive to experience to joy of sobriety. I have had friends that didn’t get a second chance.
I really appreciate your honesty. Sobriety is a very hard thing to do. I have felt like giving up myself BUT then I think of Two people that were in my life that died a horrible death from drugs/alcohol. I watched my brother die the color of a lemon at 33 years old, my other friend 39 was found dead in his car bled out from his addiction. Sorry but it’s those HARSH realities that have helped me now for 26 months on Saturday. See people look at the glamour of drugs/alcohol BUT not the reality of what it does to your day or mind and body. Sorry I hope I didn’t upset anyone but wake up to real life. You don’t need that life. 
2 Likes
Nancy, I lost my daughter to suicide. She was kind and gentle, but she suffered from mental illness.
1 Like
I can sort of relate lol Not the worst year but one of the worst years lol. It's almost over
Hang in there 
This was definitely my worst year. It could have been my best when I got sober, but it all got derailed.
Get sober so you don't hurt anyone.
There's no one left to hurt.
There is a whole world full of people to hurt, man. You could drive home drunk and kill someone. That would feel awful.
Get your a$$ into meetings and stay there. Start helping other drunks, get outside of yourself a little bit.
Come on man, you can do this.
1 Like
Standard AA meetings don't work for me. I like speaker meetings, so I can find common ground. I can't relent to an HP, not my bag.
I am sorry for your difficulties Steven. I lost my wife who died of suicide a year ago and I am sure it is the most stressful time of my life. I will keep you in my prayers but I am not judging you at all. I do hope you stay in touch with your friends and therapist. I have two therapists. One with whom I focus on alcoholism and addiction. The other is helping me with the grief/healing process. And I have a ways to go. Time takes time and I can’t help but think that there is a reason you have gone through so much.
Some food for thought.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving develops,
they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
Steven, I admire you being open.. that takes courage so props on that man. We all know that getting and staying sober is on ourselves. I can encourage you, until I fall down and unless you truly want it… it ain’t gonna happen. Here is the thing, I will continue to give it until I fall down, and get back up! That’s what was given to me. So imma give it back. That self defeating, loathing, hate… that can all go away. You have to want it, more than the buzz. I have posted it before but here it rings true again..
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.
Rocky Balboa
Bro, I was with you until you said I was your son, and I was like "what?!", and then it was a quote?
Give me YOUR words, bro. Don't give me quotes.
That's great news! Write down all the stuff that happened and make a book or a movie out of it and become wealthy!
The quote is inspirational, it is a good representation of what my feelings and thoughts are. Just like any sport star, writer, or great business person. The point is the same regardless of who actually came up with the words, you need to do it for you. Pity parties, pointing fingers and casting blame is for cowards. You want my words.. here they are. Hero’s are not brave because they are not afraid… they are heroic because they do what needs to be done in spite of the fear. They run toward the threat and face it standing up even being terrified of the unknown. If given the choice what do you want to be?
What is the difference between waiting for the year to end and waiting for the day to end? Although the grief you are experiencing is a tremendous one, you have to eventually accept what has happened, and what you can do moving forward. Substance use will only make everything worse and staying stuck in a negative mindset will only keep you from making progress. It seems impossible to see the light in the darkness that’s enveloped you currently, but it’s there if you search for it.
Obviously your life will never be the same and you may never experience the levels of happiness you felt before tragedy struck, but little by little you can make progress towards bringing some type of purpose back into your life. They say helping others is the best way to help ourselves, although I have never lost a child and I don’t even have children, you’re not alone in this experience, and others who have gone through the same grief you’re going through, they have been able to find life again, and if they can do it then so can you.
1 Like