Day 89 (2 Months 28 Days):
I’ve been having ongoing insights (I’ve been referring to them as downloads) since beginning this alcohol-free initiative.
One notion that has been coming up for me recently has been the idea that I have no idea how to address all of those challenging aspects of myself that I was avoiding and suppressing with alcohol. That has been a sobering (pun intended) realization as I sat in one of those moments earlier today.
I don’t know if I’ve ever calculated the weight or impact of appearing to have myself and my life in order while secretly bearing the burden of not being so at all. Years of that alone could warrant years of therapy and that’s some of the easier stuff.
My sense is that there’s potentially much more of these to come as I’ve been suppressing these dynamics for decades. I felt completely deflated reflecting on the implications of this. It didn’t feel good at all to feel a helplessness in being able to reconcile where I was, where I am. Having no tangible path in knowing how to proceed. This, I’m guessing, is part of the work. 
For now, I will continue to put one foot after the other and seek to do the next right thing trusting that by persevering forward progress will come forth. Immensely grateful for this community.
Light, strength, and clarity to all as we navigate our respective paths . . .
